


built on bricks of carelessness and crumbs

by newct127



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Byun Baekhyun-centric, Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Near Future, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Power Bottom Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Soft Byun Baekhyun, added chapter 11 for a better conclusion but also read chapter notes thanks, ah so many characters i made a mess of the tags, and with that it's completed, au - sm is shit but it’s getting better because it's slowly being taken over by suho and chenle, hey babe. happy one year. i'm 27??????, this is mostly plot don't be too surprised by the lack of smut, this is so long it should have more tags to it but i'm just blanking now, this isn't exactly slowburn but at the same time it's the most slowburn thing i've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:14:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25048987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newct127/pseuds/newct127
Summary: The reason they get into the situation is because they’re both loud mouths.Baekhyun should know better by now, he should know how to keep his mouth shut, and he should know better than to think that Ten would be smarter about it than him. Ten is smarter than him for many things. But the two years that he spent in the army have most definitely made him temporarily forget all the media training, and Ten is Ten, a confident brat that’s always going to run his mouth as much as Baekhyun. They’re equally idiotic about that.[Or, the BaekTen fake dating fic no one asked for.]
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Comments: 46
Kudos: 223





	1. eta

**Author's Note:**

> i finally wrote the idea for a fic that came to my head during a particularly long work meeting with a korean dude that looks surprisingly a lot like moon taeil, but isn’t him. this literally exists because i needed a distraction so i don’t ogle him and embarrass myself. but it also was a whole ass month of work and it drained me mentally cause my sciatica started acting up again and soo much of it is angst. pain and angst don't mix.
> 
> do i know exactly how things work for most the things i’ve written here? no. do i know anything? also, no. this is mostly how i wish things worked interlaced in a fic.  
> and more important than that, will i ever stop finding my biases while i’m in the middle of researching cause i’m writing fics about other members of the same group? a huuuuuge no.
> 
> title from you should know where i’m coming from by banks

The reason they get into the situation is because they’re both loud mouths.

Baekhyun should know better by now, he should know how to keep his mouth shut, and he should know better than to think that Ten would be smarter about it than him. Ten is smarter than him for many things. But the two years that he spent in the army have most definitely made him temporarily forget all the media training, and Ten is Ten, a confident brat that’s always going to run his mouth as much as Baekhyun. They’re equally idiotic about that.

He’s relaxed that evening. He’s seeing the SuperM guys for the first time since he got discharged just a week before, and he missed them so much. They shower him with love and attention, the drinks are cold and the barbecue is cooked to perfection, and everything about the night is just so perfect. So he doesn’t think about what he’s saying when he says it. All he registers in his intoxicated brain is that someone’s talking about how people should be able to be themselves. The voice is coming in clearly, and from the general direction where his friends are, so he assumes it’s a conversation that needs his input.

“We all should be able to be ourselves,” he says, and on his right Ten seconds it with an “Absolutely.”

How could’ve either of them know that it’s the people on the table next to them talking, and what they’re talking about isn’t quirky personalities? Cause by the time they realize what they’ve actually done, and they only realize it because their friends are horrified and Taeyong tells them, it’s already too late. Someone already has it on video and has tweeted it.

Baekhyun isn’t too concerned about it though. He’s said some pretty stupid things in the past, things no one has dissected or focused on for too long. He figures they’ll be okay.

What bothers him more is that he never got a chance to say what he decided he was going to say just hours before. He takes the long way home, and hangs back in his yard before going inside, trying to clear his head from everything that happened, and all the feelings that came back. All the feelings he fought so hard to repress.

* * *

It’s on Instagram. And on Twitter. It’s trending. It makes the fucking news. Then the international news. Thank you CNN.

Idols Baekhyun and Ten hint that they’re gay while showing support for the LGBTQ community? Baekhyun knows he’s in trouble, but at least that headline makes it sound better than what the real headline should be. Baekhyun and Ten get drunk and talk shit without thinking about it which is their normal behavior? At least they brought a smile to someone’s face with the entire shebang for one day. He’s sure the denying articles are already scheduled, and that the publicists hate them both right now, but it’s nothing that doesn’t have a solution. He’s been in this business for long enough to know that everything has a solution. The higher ups always find a way to twist things into a more suitable shape.

First thing in the morning, they are called for a meeting scheduled immediately, and Baekhyun rushes over to the offices, a black mask covering his face, a baseball cap that may or may not have been Mark’s before Baekhyun borrowed it without ever thinking about returning it years ago. He wants to hide, not just because of the faux pas, but the hangover too. The pounding headache is not helping him at all.

He’s twenty minutes early for the meeting, but at the same time it seems like he’s late cause everyone is already there, seated around a large conference table. There’s managers, publicists, assistants, and of course, there’s Ten. Ten looks at him, nods a hello, then goes back to biting his lip and looking down at the table in front of him. It’s an odd sight to see. Baekhyun takes a seat right across from him, letting the uncomfortable silence between them grow stronger. He knows exactly how he feels. He gets it. He doesn’t know what to say to make it all better.

They get yelled at. The publicists for letting it spread, the managers for not controlling their idols well enough. Baekhyun and Ten get yelled at for being spoiled. It’s just the way Baekhyun expected it to be. Once the yelling is over is when the solution is usually presented. So he hangs in there until that moment arrives.

“We let you do whatever you want. Yet, you disgraced our company,” the man, someone Baekhyun has never seen in his life, goes on and on, and all Baekhyun can think is that this will be over soon. The speech and the blatant untruths will end. That’s the positive of the situation, “We’re put in a tight place now, we can’t deny anything cause it will make us look bad. So congratulations you two, you’re dating, and the whole world knows it now.”

What did he just say?

“What?” Ten echoes Baekhyun’s thoughts.

“You’re surprised? Isn’t that what you wanted? We’re not stopping you. Date each other all you want.”

“It’s just a misunderstanding. We didn’t hear what they were talking about. We didn’t know what those people were saying. We’re not dating,” Baekhyun says, hoping that explaining it will help the situation.

“You are now. Since everyone on the internet thinks so, we can’t be the big bad wolves that make everyone’s beloved couple break up. You’re going to do as we say. Especially if you want to write that full length album you’ve been wanting to write for years. You now have someone to write it about.”

Ten looks at him, eyes wide open, his face turning white. He’s as horrified as Baekhyun feels.

It’s not over. Not yet.

* * *

Baekhyun suggests that they get coffee at the cafe across the street from the offices. He and Ten need to start talking more, since this entire thing got put onto them. They should learn to work as a team without the rest of the boys and this is just a way to break the ice and ease them into it.

There are eyes on them. The other patrons in the cafe are curious, ‘the relationship’ is still fresh news. They catch people’s attention, so they need to keep the conversation quiet and between them.

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun finds himself saying, “I’m older, I should’ve protected you. I’m your leader.”

Ten rolls his eyes at him.

“Oh, please. Like I wouldn’t have said what I said if you tried to stop me. If Taeyong and Kun can’t stop me, what makes you think you can. You and I are basically the same.”

Thing is, Baekhyun doesn’t really give a shit what happens to him here. He can take it. He’s a seasoned veteran, he can bat his eyelashes a couple of times on TV, and it’ll all be water under the bridge. It’s not like it’s a new rumor, he’s had to deal with these types of rumors for a decade now. Though, the usual reason why those rumors exist isn’t something that came directly out of his mouth.

He does give a shit about what happens to Ten though. All Ten did was agree with him. Ten doesn’t deserve this. And Baekhyun frankly can’t believe that he couldn’t take full responsibility and keep Ten out of the mess.

“I made it worse.”

“You didn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” he returns, and he can see Ten struggling not to say something mean or sarcastic in response. Instead, what Ten says, sounds like a genuine concern.

“I’m sorry too. I’m sure you’d rather be stuck with someone else.”

“Like who?” It’s such a stupid question, and Baekhyun realizes it as soon as he says it.

“I don’t know. Literally anyone. You and I aren’t exactly the best of friends.”

Baekhyun is taken aback by that comment. He thought he was pretty clear with how he feels about Ten. It seems as though he was wrong. Ten doesn’t see the soft spot Baekhyun has for him. So Baekhyun will have to work on it, show it even more from now on.

“We’ll get to know each other better now. Advantages of fake dating.”

“Are we telling people it’s fake?” Ten then asks a question that surprises him.

“People?” Wasn’t the point that it was real?

“Our friends. The people in our groups.” Right. Those people. The people Baekhyun hasn’t thought about since he saw Ten yesterday.

“I don’t know. What do you think?”

“Will they believe us if we said it was real?”

“No.” The moment he’d say something like that everyone would read right through him. Especially Sehun. For some reason, Baekhyun tells all his darkest secrets to him. If he was really dating Ten he’d be talking to him about it nonstop. All the things he has said about Ten in the past are just a proof of that. “We have to tell the truth to our friends.”

“Okay.”


	2. burn

Ten is now an item on Baekhyun’s schedule, and the moment he checks his calendar and sees that it’s added to his itinerary he feels his stomach sinking. Shit. It wasn’t some bad dream. It’s real.

There are live streams, and public outings scheduled. There are reminders about articles and what he should expect each day.

The official story gets sent to both him and Ten in an email, along with links to each other’s schedules. Slightly intrusive, but okay. The story isn’t the greatest. You’ve been together for a few years. You two liked each other for a while. You started showing more and more interest in each other. Your anniversary is on white day. After you started dating you hid it from everyone and with hiding it, you grew frustrated. You’re happy to finally be able to be together again, to share the truth with the world and most importantly, your fans.

_Where did we have our first date?_

Ten messages him the question about an hour after Baekhyun receives the email.

_Is that really that important?_

_The management story is half baked. People on my Instagram are already asking about things like that, and the confirmation hasn’t gone out yet. Let’s work out the details between us before we have to recite the story to the public._

Makes sense. Baekhyun thinks about it. He considers whether or not to use that one date idea he has kept close to his heart.

_If this started over two years ago, then it must’ve been one hell of a first date that had you waiting for me while I was serving. Maybe we went to some museum._

_Us? In a museum?_

_I’m art enough. But I was thinking about you in a museum. Also art. And an artist._

_Okay. A museum it is. I’ll check the calendar to see where we were that day and google to see which one._

_Let me know when you decide._

Baekhyun tries not to think about it, but he fails quickly because this isn’t how he wanted to date Ten.

* * *

Ten fascinated him from the moment they first met. He’s talented in so many ways, he’s opinionated and not ashamed of it, and he’s comfortable in his own skin at the same time. He’s everything Baekhyun wants to be, he was that way even back when he was a rookie and Baekhyun first met him in passing.

Baekhyun was intrigued before, but started catching actual feelings when SuperM was first formed and they started working together. Ten was like a magnet, he couldn’t help but fell attracted, he couldn’t help but want to spend time with him. But as intriguing as Ten was, he was also not alone in the group. He wasn’t a lone soul drifting from somewhere, he had friends there. He knew and had worked with half of the people there. He didn’t need Baekhyun to be a leader to him and help him fit in. He already was fitting in. And while Baekhyun was busy with babying Taeyong for shits and giggles, and learning English basics from Mark with Yukhei under his wing, Ten found a different place. If Ten had questions about anything he had Taemin to turn to, also, and that’s what he usually did. Baekhyun loves Taemin to death. Baekhyun also wants to punch Taemin every time Ten pays attention to him, and only then. He hadn’t spent any time with the guys as a group in two years. He hadn’t seen Ten in two years, but he saw Taemin a few times on his weekends off, and he had no urge to hurt him in any way. But he does when Ten talks to him.

Baekhyun hates the jealousy he sometimes feels, but there’s not a whole lot that he can do about it.

* * *

_So on march 14th two years ago I was in Seoul, we were recording. We can say we met up for coffee after recording and went to the folk museum. Sound good? We’ll talk about the rest tonight._

It’s half an hour after the first confirmation article is released when Ten texts him the question.

_Sounds great._

Baekhyun is lying on his back on his living room floor, staring at the ceiling, his phone sitting on his chest. He’s waiting. It’s gonna happen, any minute now. There’s a tiny chance that it’s gonna be a phone call, like from Taeyong or Mark, or maybe a light-hearted yet wisdom-filled facetime from Taemin, but he can’t be too certain that someone won’t just barge in, so he keeps lying for dramatic effect. If someone shows up he won’t have to get up, most of his friends know his lock code. He has a feeling it won’t be a phone call though, in situations like this one, it’s never just a phone call, it’s an unspoken rule.

It’s Jongdae that arrives first, he leaves a bag of hard liquor on Baekhyun’s coffee table. He doesn’t say anything, not until everyone else shows up. Sehun shows up next, he hits Baekhyun with one of his throw pillows and motions him to get up. Just a moment later there’s a drink in Baekhyun’s hand, and he feels a tiny bit better.

“I always told you your mouth is going to get you into trouble,” Junmyeon says, then looks at Jongin, “You were there. Why didn’t you stop him?”

Jongin doesn’t answer right away. He just looks at Junmyeon through narrowed eyes. Everyone looks at Junmyeon the same way, it’s a borderline idiotic thing to say.

“Stop Baekhyun? Me? You can’t do it, how do you expect me to do it? Stop Baekhyun. I can stop Baekhyun the way he can stop Ten.”

“Why didn’t you stop Ten?”

“Jesus,” Baekhyun manages, rubbing the bridge of his nose with one hand.

“This isn’t exactly how you wanted to date Ten, is it?” Sehun teases. Jongin gasps at that, and Baekhyun wants to smack Sehun for not keeping his damn mouth shut.

“You want to date Ten?” Jongin. This kid. Never interested, not until it affects him. How could’ve he missed that?

“What? You’re too busy playing with little Mark Lee’s heart to notice that Baek is basically in love?” Minseok returns, raising his eyebrow. Baekhyun groans, covering his face with both hands. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. It’s not real. The situation, the conversation. None of it.

“Used to…” Baekhyun corrects them, hands dropping in his lap, and watches as his friends roll his eyes at him. It’s a lie. They know it, he knows it.

“When’s your first outing?” Chanyeol asks him.

“He already outed himself,” Sehun teases.

“You know damn well that’s not what he meant,” Kyungsoo flicks Sehun’s forehead.

“He’s gonna get followed here by photographers tonight. He’s gonna stay the night. Then we have a first photo-op date on Saturday. Vlive next week. I didn’t check the rest of the schedule.”

“Let me see that,” Junmyeon asks, reaching out for Baekhyun’s phone so he can see the schedule. That’s what they do for a few hours. Drink and go over the schedule Baekhyun has, telling him exactly how screwed he is along the way. He isn’t that screwed, he likes to think. It could’ve been so much worse.

* * *

“Hey.”

“Hey. Uh, come on in. Make yourself at home.”

“Thanks.”

Neither of them says it. But it’s on both of their minds, Baekhyun can tell that much by the look on Ten’s face. He might as well make himself at home, cause PR has his coming and staying over at Baekhyun’s at least once a week for the next month, as Junmyeon discovered from going through the schedule. Then the schedule changes, cause Ten has start preparing for a comeback a week after EXO have their own, and they’ll have to prepare some ahead of time photographs for that month that they’re both busy. What’s going to happen next isn’t fully cemented yet, but there are talks about Baekhyun staying over at the WayV dorms. Then there will be the SuperM comeback, the preparations, the tour. And he’s supposed to be writing the album during the entire thing, the studio time is already booked for him. It’s all happening so quickly for Baekhyun, and it hadn’t even started yet.

“Are you hungry?” Baekhyun asks. He’s putting on his gracious host hat, something he doesn’t do often. But he gets the gist of it. All his friends are better at it than him, so he’s picked up on some things.

“Sure. What do you have?”

“I don’t know. Let’s rummage and see.”

“How can you not know?” Ten retorts as he follows Baekhyun to the kitchen.

“I’ve been back home for less than a week, and I’ve went out for every single meal since. Chen stocked up for me, I don’t know what he bought. Is there something you don’t eat? You know, besides…”

“Besides?”

“Besides fruit.”

“No. Besides fruit, I eat everything.”

Noted. Memorized.

Under Ten’s watchful eye Baekhyun rummages through his cupboards and the fridge, pulling out things he can make something with. Bless Chen and his ace parental instincts, he knew exactly what to get for him.

“I have all the ingredients for kimchi fried rice,” Baekhyun said.

“Do you need any help making it?”

“No, I got this,” he seconds it with a smile. He had never eaten alone with Ten. He had never cooked for Ten either. And Sehun’s words might have gotten to him a bit, cause he is excited to do it, but hating himself because of that excitement at the same time. Just because he likes Ten a bit, maybe wants to date him and is curious about him in general, doesn’t mean he’s in love with him. Sehun’s just blowing things out of proportion. Sehun’s wrong. About this among other things.

“I can set the table.” Ten offers, his tone of voice more neutral and innocent than Baekhyun thought Ten could use.

“Okay.”

It’s odd. The situation sure, but the exchange even more than that. This isn’t them. Ten keeping quiet is definitely odd. Baekhyun not knowing how to fix things is odd too. Baekhyun doesn’t like that he isn’t in control, there are some choices that he would’ve wanted to make that have already been made for him. He can’t alter the way things are going at the moment, and he just knows that he would’ve been able to make this entire thing a little less painful for them both if he could.

They eat in silence, with Ten looking down at his food while Baekhyun looks at the kitchen that’s right behind Ten. Neither of them makes it through the entire plate, it’s too uncomfortable. It seems as though there is something unresolved between them, that’s even more bothering than what’s going on. Baekhyun doesn’t know how to approach it. Luckily, Ten seems to be sensing it too, and he’s the one that mentions something. It might not be exactly ‘it’, but he does mention something.

“This isn’t going to be easy for either of us, so I think we should find some middle ground. We should at least have fun with it. And as long as we’re completely honest with each other, I don’t think we’ll have a lot of trouble with this. We’ll get through it together.”

“I agree. Sounds like a great plan,” Baekhyun says, swallowing down the slight fear that shows up. Completely honest would mean that he’d have to tell Ten that he liked him _that_ way. And he can’t do that. He also can’t have those feelings coming up again. They can ruin everything.

“Awesome,” Ten gives him a smile, “I think we need some sort of signal. For when we’re in public and either of us gets uncomfortable or needs help.”

“Like a safeword?”

Ten coughs at the mention of it, it almost sounds like he’s chocking. Baekhyun would be concerned if he wasn’t cracking a smile also. He clears his throat before he speaks.

“Yeah, like a safeword.”

“How about kiwi?”

“Kiwi,” Ten repeats it, his voice coming out like if he’s trying it out.

“Fruit makes you uncomfortable, and I’m allergic to kiwifruit.”

“Okay. Kiwi. And a wink without a smile if aren’t close enough to communicate verbally.”

“Yeah, we have to have a nonverbal safeword too. You’re right.”

By the end of the night they work out some of the kinks in the story, and thanks to that Baekhyun feels much less panicked about the whole thing.

* * *

Ten sleeps over in Baekhyun’s guest room, and it may or may not be what ignites the feelings once again for Baekhyun. He also may or may not have realized it yet.

The night is followed by another early morning meeting, this one also scheduled on a whim. Baekhyun drives them there, stopping for coffee on the way there, taking that break as a way to prepare himself for the meeting. But this one seems to be a lot less scary than the first one, and it’s just him and Ten with two PR representatives.

“The response to the confirmation articles, as well as the photographs from last night, has been overwhelming. The higher ups would like this to go on for a longer than we initially thought.”

“Okay,” Ten says, “What do you have in mind.”

“Okay? That simple?” The lady questions them, then looks for further confirmation from the other PR person in the room.

“Do we have a choice?” Ten responds.

“Well…”

“Exactly. So tell us what’s next. What do you want from us?” Baekhyun cuts in before the entire thing gets out of their control.

“We want to extend this. The first plan was that before the SuperM comeback and tour you two were going to realize you’re better off as friends. Now, we’re thinking about having that happen at the end of the year, rather than September.”

“End of the year? Like December? Around Christmas?” Baekhyun asks for clarification.

“We were thinking right before.”

“Unrealistic. You better have it in January,” Ten responds.

“Unrealistic?”

“I don’t do break ups around the holidays. It’s a personal rule of mine.”

Baekhyun keeps quiet at that, enjoying the exchange. This is exactly the Ten he remembers. Assertive. Overly confident.

“Any input?” the lady asks Baekhyun. He knows exactly what she wants him to say, she doesn’t want input, she wants help to keep Ten in check. But Baekhyun isn’t about that.

“I do have some suggestions. I get the frequent dates, but all there is in the schedule are fancy restaurants. Can you guys let us do some fun things? Like shopping, movies, theme parks. Night clubs maybe, bowling, noraebang too.”

“Excuse me?”

“If we’re stuck doing this because the company didn’t want to admit that we were drunk and talking out of turn, then you could at least let us have some fun during the stunt.”

Ten smiles at him.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Great,” Baekhyun returns, then stands up, “Are we done here? I have rehearsal and he is late for the studio.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll email you some suggestions.”

“Thank you,” Baekhyun smiles, using some fake politeness to cover up the fact that it’s a victory smile.


	3. hero

Changes to the schedule happen just two days after Baekhyun demands them, and it’s starting to look like a schedule that Baekhyun would actually have. Less restaurants, more fun.

On the Saturday that they have their first outing Baekhyun is inexplicably nervous about it. He shouldn’t be. It’s just him and Ten getting dinner, having a fake date. Okay, it’s just them getting dinner, with a whole lot of cameras and attention on them, but it still shouldn’t feel the way it does. Baekhyun feels exactly like the last time he went on a date. Sure, it was five years ago, but he’s had a lot of sleepless night reminiscing and trying to figure out what went wrong. Did he pick the wrong place for the date? Did he say something wrong? Or was it all just because he had already met Ten and he wasn’t exactly in it completely.

The PR people send them instructions on what they should do. Baekhyun is supposed to get Ten from the WayV dorms, drive them to the restaurant. He’s supposed to park a block away and they’re supposed to hold hands from the car to the restaurant. The reservations are made under Baekhyun’s name, they can stay for however much they like, and on their way back, they’re once again supposed to hold hands and look extremely close. That’s probably what has Baekhyun feeling so nervous. The hand holding. The closeness. The feelings that can so easily be once again ignited.

It bothers him for hours. Then he realizes, so what. He’s managed to survive with all of those feelings for years. He’s swallowed and held his chin up, pretending he’s not jealous or hurt, or most of all, interested in any way. He can do it again. Especially since this has an end date. January. The same month as his comeback is scheduled. It’ll end, and he’ll be so busy that he won’t be able to think about it. And he won’t have to feel anything then.

* * *

Baekhyun sticks to the ‘recommendations’ from the PR team fairly well. There are photographers in front of the WayV dorms, they’re already waiting, prepared. It’s not in the ‘recommendations’ but Baekhyun gets out of the car, and after he rings the doorbell, he is let inside. He waits in the lobby along with Yukhei and the other five WayV members, and no, it’s not awkward at all, except all the moments when it is really awkward, and let’s face it, it’s all the moments. He knows the guys’ names, he’s met them before, but they’ve never hung out. Baekhyun tries to be casual about it, but he’s almost crumbling under the pressure from the smiles and curious looks.

“Where are you headed?” Kun asks him, offering a polite ice breaker.

“A restaurant downtown,” he responds.

“Cool,” he isn’t sure who says it, but it’s not exactly a conversation starter, and Baekhyun gets the gist of the tone of voice. Another awkward silence builds up for a few moments.

“You know, hyung, if there’s anything, we’re here,” Yukhei tells him, “We all have your back. Both your backs. So if there’s anything…”

“We’re very proud of Yukhei for how eloquent he sounds,” Sicheng interrupts with a smile, earning giggles from the younger boys.

“Seriously?” Yukhei replies but they are all promptly cut off by Kun.

“Stop it before it begins.”

“No, I get it. Thank you. All of you,” Baekhyun says, hoping it both puts an end to the conversation, and whatever fight is getting started here, if it in fact is. He can only guess because he isn’t too familiar with the dynamics. He speaks in the correct moment because a few seconds later, Ten shows up, and the tension is back to what it was when Baekhyun first arrived.

“Sorry I’m late,” Ten says.

“No worries,” he responds, and watches as Ten looks around the room. Is it weirdly calm, or weirdly tense? What is he noticing? “Are you ready?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

* * *

Ten is the one that puts his hand in Baekhyun’s first. It’s warm and soft, and every once in a while he gives Baekhyun’s hand a squeeze, prompting for his attention. The photographers keep a slight distance, oddly enough, but there still is security to accompany them from the parking lot to the restaurant. The company is doing quite a lot to appear nice in this situation. They could, potentially use that to their advantage, if there’s ever need for it.

By the time they’re seated in the restaurant and they order Baekhyun is desperate for some form of normalcy to take place, especially with the curious eyes around them. So he sparks a conversation that’s maybe too plain for his taste. But it’s exactly what he needs.

“How was your day?”

“Pretty decent,” Ten says, “We were recording all day. How about you?”

“Decent too. I had practice for most of the day.”

“Right, you have a comeback in a few weeks. How is it going?”

“Great. They gave us good material to work with.”

“That’s great.”

“How is the album coming up for you guys?”

“Good. Yeah. There are some good songs. A few meh ones, but there’s nothing that Kun can’t solve with a few tweaks once we get to mixing.”

“I’m glad. There’s nothing worse than promoting music you don’t like.”

“Right?” Ten beams smiles at him, making Baekhyun’s heart flutter.

Yep. This is gonna happen again.

* * *

The confirmation articles and the photos of Ten’s visit caused the internet to be so loud that Baekhyun had to stay away. But that was just the icing. The cherry on top is that restaurant date that the company has scheduled. And Baekhyun only realizes their power the morning after. It’s not just that people are talking about it, or that they’re trending, but it’s more in the sense of it’s basically all he can see on his social media. He can’t even take a break from himself, because he and Ten are everywhere.

He likes the pictures that come out from that night. He and Ten seem relaxed, they seem comfortable, despite the fact that there are thirty cameras flashing at them. He may or may not download a few and keep them in a special folder on his phone. He may or may not set one as his background, after zooming in on their fingers intertwined between each other. He’s not pathetic at all.

* * *

While the designated pap walks are pretty boring, there are the fun dates in between. In the first week, they get to go to a theme park, something Baekhyun hasn’t done in so long, that he feels like an actual kid being there.

“We should get some ice cream,” Ten tells him, smiling. It’s such a simple thing, but the thought of it, of them doing whatever they want in a crowded theme park, makes Baekhyun glad that it’s not just him experiencing it. He gets to share, and with Ten of all people, his favorite people.

“We should. Let’s see what flavors they have.”

At the beginning Baekhyun paid a whole lot more attention to how Ten’s hand felt in his. But a week in, and it’s nothing special. It’s just normal, it’s them being close. He gets used to it, trains himself so no emotions are involved, and he learns not to read into it. But there are moments when it feels different than normal, when it’s not just hand in hand, but Ten wraps his fingers around his, or gently rubs his thumb on the back of Baekhyun’s hand.

This time, as they walk towards the ice cream place in the park, Ten hooks his little finger around Baekhyun’s, and Baekhyun can’t not notice that. Holding by the little fingers is an ‘in love’ thing, not a ‘pretending to be in love’ thing. Is he reading into this too much? He can’t be, right? Well, whatever it is, he needs to stop either way.

Baekhyun is smiling all day long. He’s having the best time he’s had in a while. Who knew that he’d be doing such a thing just three weeks after he gets out of the army?

They might not be having heart to heart conversations, but the day makes Baekhyun feel like he’s getting closer to Ten because for the entirety of it, they’re not thinking about anything except the fun they’re having. People might be taking pictures around them, they take pictures with people who ask for them, but none of it feels official. They’re not working. And the fact that neither of them is in ‘work mode’ gives Baekhyun a bigger taste of what they could be together.

It only cements the fact that he’s well on his way to being in the same position he was before he enlisted.

* * *

Out of everything that they have to do, all the places they had to visit and lies they had to tell, the only thing that Baekhyun was actually nervous for were the live streams. As easy as it was to pretend they’re in love in public, with glances, and hand holding, and talking in each other’s ears, on live streams it was just their fans. Fans that have known them for years and know their behavior. Fans that they also have to convince which Baekhyun fears won’t be as easy.

The thing though, that Baekhyun seems to forget about prior to the first time they go live, is that he’s not alone. He’s with Ten. Ten that goes live regularly and sasses everyone.

What the PR directed them to do during the first live was for it to be primarily Ten, going live from Baekhyun’s living room, with Baek chipping in from the background. So they do exactly that.

It starts off slow. People are still trickling in, so the questions aren’t juicy enough. They’re asking about the comeback, and Ten is calculated with that, talking around the subject, more talking about how much he’s enjoying the new material. The first mention of Baekhyun comes when someone asks Ten where he is, and he strategically picks it.

“Where am I right now? I’m at Baekhyun’s. Babe, say hi to everyone.” Ten turns his phone towards Baekhyun, who’s also sitting on the couch, just a few feet away.

“Hi everyone,” Baekhyun looks up from his own phone, and he smiles, then waves at Ten’s phone. He reacts immediately, only allowing himself to process the impact of that one word after Ten turns the phone away. Babe? Shit, that hits harder than it should.

“Yeah, we did have dinner. Thank you for asking,” Ten beams a smile at his phone. He has absolutely no idea of the impact he’s having on Baekhyun, he just continues on, “How long have we been together? Officially, over two years. But I’d say about three.” Right. That was the story they decided on after they talked it out among themselves. It made more sense that way. Neither of them is sentimental enough for things like having an anniversary on White Day. Ten is silently looking at his phone, waiting for a suitable question, and Baekhyun finds himself staring for a moment, cause holy shit, how can he not stare at Ten, he’s so beautiful. “Why did we keep it a secret? We didn’t plan to. It just happened. We were trying to figure it out. And then Baek had to enlist, so… it happened. All we did was roll with the punches.”

For someone who tends to put his foot in his mouth, Ten is surprisingly restrained and calculated during the entire live stream. He talks about things, talks about what he did that day, and more about him and Baekhyun, asking him to chip in every once in a while, and it gets to Baekhyun a whole lot more than he expected it to.

He just wishes that the things Ten is saying are true.

* * *

They get invited to some gala, and management is too weak to refuse the invitation. Baekhyun once again finds himself standing in WayV’s lobby, nervously pacing around cause this time, he’s alone. He’d be mad that he has to spend an evening entertaining cameras and higher-ups after a long day of rehearsals if it wasn’t for the fact that both he and Ten get to suit up for the occasion. Ten looks so fucking good in a three-piece suit, tie included, that Baekhyun actually needs a moment to deal with it.

“What?” Ten asks him, a surprised and somewhat concerned look on his face. Shit, he got caught. He’ll have to come up with a lie pretty quickly.

“I like how you did your tie. I’m struggling with mine.” It’s only a semi lie. Baekhyun watched a video that instructed him how to do his tie, and he did it on the first try. But it doesn’t look as good as Ten’s.

“I can do it for you,” Ten offers, and before he can even think about it, Baekhyun’s nodding approval. And he really should’ve thought about it. Cause now they’re face to face, incredibly close, and Baekhyun can fell Ten’s breath. He looks up, starts uncomfortably counting the bricks on the wall behind Ten in his head as an attempt of distracting himself.

“You okay hyung?” he hears a voice coming from the other end of the lobby. Baekhyun still doesn’t know the voices, he has to look up to see who’s talking. YangYang, if he’s not wrong. It’s only then that Ten looks up from his neck to his face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks,” Baekhyun responds.

“Are you sure? You look a little red,” it’s now Ten that asks the question.

“You’re probably a bit hot. The lobby gets too stuffy,” YangYang gives him an excuse, and he grabs onto it with both hands.

“It’s a bit hot, yeah.”

“Let’s go outside then.”

“You’re almost done with the tie, I can wait a few moments.”

Both Ten and YangYang look at him with doubt, and Baekhyun feels like they’re both reading through him.

* * *

The drive to the party is pretty normal, but once they enter something changes. Cause being at a party like that with Ten means that there are even more eyes on them, more cameras, so they have to put on an acting performance of a lifetime. And if he’s being honest, Baekhyun is enjoying every moment of it. Ten is especially affectionate. He’s smiling at him, he’s either holding his hand, or he has an arm on the small of Baekhyun’s back, and he’s flirting too, more than his usual. He can get used to this so easily. But he better not.

They get separated for a few minutes, Baekhyun goes to get drinks for them both, while Ten hangs back to make conversation with some producers. He looks at him, he sees that Ten seems slightly uncomfortable, and when their eyes meet, he sees Ten give him a wink. No smile. Shit, he has to hurry up.

Closing the space between them with fast steps, gives Baekhyun a better view of the situation, and he realizes that the producers are gone. Ten’s stuck with two socialites. Baek would panic too if he had to talk to these girls.

“Here you go, babe,” he hands Ten the drink he brought for him, then places his arm on Ten’s back, pulling him closer. He smiles at the two socialites Ten has been mingling with, and asks, “What are we talking about, ladies?”

“Nothing special. We were just extending an invitation for you guys to hang out with us,” one of the girls say, placing a hand on Ten’s bicep. Over his dead body.

“I’m sorry ladies, we’re exceptionally busy for the foreseeable future, and I’d rather have my man all to myself,” he says, his eyes darting between the girl and where her hand is placed on Ten, it’s a warning. He doesn’t want to have to actually say it. Thankfully, the girl gets the message, “Let’s get something to eat,” he says to Ten, and they walk away, leaving the girls behind.

“Thank you.”

“No worries.”

“You pretend to be jealous really well.”

Right. Pretending. That’s what he was doing.

“I have a lot of experience,” he jokes, prompting a pity chuckle from Ten.

If only Ten knew how much time Baekhyun has spent feeling jealousy towards everyone and anyone Ten interacted with.

* * *

Ten coming to his and staying over becomes a normal. It becomes a routine for them, and not something that Baekhyun is nervous about like he was the first time. Most evenings they spend with Baekhyun sitting on the floor, playing on his gaming laptop that he has set on the coffee table, or studying English, while Ten sets up base on the couch, sometimes reading, sometimes doing Chinese homework, but usually drawing on his iPad. They share meals, sometimes watch movies, but the one thing they most usually do together is listen to music while they do something else. They talk more than they did in the past, sharing stories between them that they should know by now, but they haven’t had a chance to exchange because while ‘together’ they have never actually been together like that.

It’s on those nights, after the stories, and after Ten opens up, that Baekhyun feels it, and he starts to get scared at how deep and fast he’s feeling it right now. In the past he thought about Ten and got jittery. These days he thinks about Ten and his heart starts beating so fast, it’s like he’s on the verge of having a fucking heart attack. It feels like a relationship. He’s in it, and he knows it’s fake, but it still feels real to him. That’s the scariest part of it all.

* * *

The next three weeks are filled with going out after practice, and getting photographed. Sometimes even doing multiple pap walks in the same evening, switching outfits in vehicles on rides over. It’s a really busy time, for the both of them. Baekhyun can feel both himself and Ten growing more tired with every pap walk. Luckily, those three weeks create enough of a backlog of pictures that they can take a break for a while.

“We’d appreciate it if you guys stayed active on social media during the next two months. We noticed that you don’t share as many photos on social media of each other, so we’d also appreciate it if you start doing that. Your comebacks overlap for a week, so you’ll get to interact a bit on stage too. Make it as cute as you’ve been making it so far. Until you both start recording for the SuperM comeback all we have set in the schedule are days where you two visiting each other. Baekhyun, you’ll be getting to know the WayV guys a bit better.”

“Great. I can’t wait.”

“If there’s anything in the meantime, let us know. We’ll be keeping you updated through email.”

And with that meeting, the daily obligations with Ten end. All there is in the next month is one occasion in between weeks of work. And Baekhyun will be damned if he doesn’t take advantage of that weekend they have as opportunity to stock up on moments that will keep him from getting lovesick until he has Ten all to himself again.


	4. face to face

Ten texts him a meme. It’s a simple action, but it makes Baekhyun’s heart grow like so many times. Like ten times. Kyungsoo flicks his ear when he says that.

“Stop being a cheesy mess. Concentrate Baek, the comeback’s on Friday.”

He’s right. They have the choreography down, and they’re so close to perfecting it. But Baekhyun can’t help but think about the fact that Ten texted him. They hadn’t seen each other in a few days, and they have another few before they do. He shouldn’t, but Baekhyun really misses Ten. This one text means that Ten thought of him, and he clings onto that thought with all in him. It energizes the shit out of him. He might not be as focused, but he is more energetic, and the rest of rehearsal just flies by.

But his friends notice. Even fucking Jongin notices, and he purposely doesn’t notice anything.

“Did Ten declare his love for you or something?”

“No. He just texted me.”

They’re sitting on the floor of the rehearsal space, resting before they leave. They’re done for the day, and they’re all pretty beat. But a conversations sparks, and to Baekhyun it was obvious that this was going to come up as part of that.

“If this is how you’re acting after a text, then we’re all screwed if anything else happens,” Chanyeol chips in.

“Nothing’s going to happen.”

“You’re not gonna fall in love with him?” Jongdae questions. Sweet Jongdae and his innocent, stupid questions.

“I can’t fall in love with him.”

“Cause you already are,” Minseok says matter-of-factly.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Jesus, Baek. What am I gonna do with you? Do you know how dangerous that is?” Junmyeon raises his voice.

“In what sense? We’re already dating.”

“But not for real.”

“Have you ever been in a fake relationship? Let me rephrase. Have you ever been in a fake relationship with the person you’ve been wanting to real date for the last five years?”

“I thought you said you were over him,” Chanyeol says with a knowing smirk. He’s pushing just the right button.

“I lied.”

Baekhyun is used to his friends rolling his eyes at him, but it’s happening so often lately, that he can’t help but start to hate it.

“Yeah, obviously, you lied,” Sehun’s the one that starts the teasing for the day.

“We just don’t want you to get hurt,” Jongdae offers a pity smile.

“I’m a big boy. I can get over things,” Baekhyun attempts at defending himself.

“Well, clearly you can’t,” Sehun calls him out again, and Baekhyun pouts, cause for a moment it feels like they’re ganging up on him.

“Why are you guys acting like you didn’t know this was going to happen.”

“Hope dies last, Baekhyunnie,” Minseok says to him then scoots over and gives him a hug.

Hope dies last. Ain’t that the truth.

* * *

_Good luck. See you tonight._

Baekhyun wasn’t nervous about the comeback before Ten’s text. Now, just an hour before they have to get on stage, his nervousness is at an all-time high.

He manages though, he gets through the performance without messing up, he sounds just like he intended to. The problem is the moment it’s over, and they get off the stage. Ten is waiting for him when he exits. And all his members mock him by awwing and wooing at them. Assholes. All of them. He’s gonna run an add denouncing them all tomorrow.

“Congratulations guys! You did so well.”

“Thank you Ten,” Jongin says first, and everyone else echoes. Baekhyun suspects this was planned, but he can’t go into this right now. He’s gonna argue with them about it tomorrow. But not too much. The choir of “thank you”s make Ten smile, and Baekhyun just really needed to see that. He knows exactly why Ten is here, he’s here to be seen and he’s keeping to a schedule. But Baekhyun needs to let himself believe that he’s here to see him, just so he can get through the week.

“We’ll let you guys walk back on your own,” Minseok gives him a wink, and they all walk away, leaving him alone with Ten.

“You were great. Really.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m really proud of you,” Ten tells him. He hesitates before he asks, “Can I give you a hug?” Baekhyun nods. A hug from Ten right now would be perfect. He forgot exactly how perfect Ten’s hugs are, he just knows they’re not easy to get, cause he’s tried. In the end he still only gets them at special occasions. “Let’s get you to the dressing rooms. You deserve a break. You earned it.”

It’s so easy for Baekhyun to forget that this is all just pretend.

* * *

Interview after interview, performance after performance, English classes to help him prepare for interviews and the SuperM comeback. So many fucking emails. All Baekhyun has been about lately has been work. He doesn’t have time for anything else. He’s basically running on adrenaline and americanos. It’s not healthy, but he doesn’t have a choice. He has work to do and scary responsibilities, and neither of those things cares whether or not he had a good night sleep, or enough time to sit down and have a meal. But the good thing about it all is that Ten texts him every once in a while, and then he texts Ten back immediately and he gets put on ‘read’ for a bit, and really, he doesn’t even mind that because at least Ten read what he sent back. It only bothers him slightly in those moments when they’re stuck in traffic and he doesn’t have anything else to think about.

It’s not a perfect situation, but Baekhyun can take what he can get. Even if it’s breadcrumbs of attention, he’s kind of used to it because he’s survived on less. Especially when it comes to Ten. And it turns out that a text exchange is the perfect way of getting those breadcrumbs because when they’re not apart and they’re not communicating over the phone, there’s a whole lot less breadcrumbs to gather. That one hug is all Baekhyun gets during the entire month. Getting the texts and going through them over and over again is just enough.

* * *

Baekhyun counts down to the two days off he has in the middle of the busy month so he can finally get some rest. He also counts them down because it’ll be the one and only time during that month that Ten is going to come over to his.

He gets ready for it. He makes a list of movies they can see, he gets food and he makes sure that every bit of the house is clean, using those moments when he feels discouraged, or annoyed at how the month is progressing and how they don’t have a win yet, to clean. It’s a great way to release his pent up negative energy, all the doubt, anger and guilt he’s feeling. They would be doing better if he didn’t make the blunder and if the country wasn’t kind of homophobic still, but Jongdae reminds him of how many ifs in the row that is, as well as who they’re up against. This is their first comeback as a whole, after they all finished the military service, and the company just sent them through this process as more of getting them back in shape, rather than getting them the wins. Sure the song is good, but they’re up against groups and artists that haven’t had a hiatus in the meantime. It’s no one’s fault, least of all Baekhyun’s.

He works through all of that so it won’t interfere with the weekend in front of him. He prepares so much that he gets extremely excited about it. He raises his own expectations. And the moment Ten arrives he realizes how wrong that was, because they’re off to a rough start. Baekhyun isn’t the only one battling with anger, it seems.

“Hey,” Ten says to him, his voice flat.

He walks through the door, his shoulders slumped. He shrugs off his backpack and takes off his shoes, a routine he has gotten to know very well by now that it’s basically a reflex. Baekhyun sees it, it surprises him how Ten doesn’t even look at what he’s doing. He just leaves everything where he usually does.

“Hey. Are you okay?” Baekhyun asks. With the look on Ten’s face Baekhyun can only be worried.

“Yeah. I’m just really tired.”

“Were the photographers rude?”

“No. They were fine.”

“Are you hungry? I have…”

“Maybe later. I really need a nap first.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun nods. He stands still and watches as Ten walks through the living room, then in the hallway and disappears in Baekhyun’s guest room, slow steps only making Baekhyun’s concern grow. Something must have happened. Something Ten doesn’t want to talk about, because if he did, Baekhyun would probably know about it by now.

He lets it sit in him for an hour. He paces around the living room, he makes stew for dinner, he does the dishes he dirties, he starts his laptop. He doesn’t stop thinking about what might be bothering Ten. And he does something he didn’t think he’d ever do. He goes behind Ten’s back about it and he texts Yukhei.

_Is everything okay?_

_Yeah. Why do you ask?_

_Ten seems a bit odd. Did you guys have a long day or anything?_

_No. He was okay this morning. We finished filming yesterday, so we had the day off. I was out. Let me ask the guys._

_Thanks Yukhei._

Up until the point he receives an answer Baekhyun’s at the edge of the chair, tapping his foot. What he finds out from Yukhei only makes it worse. If they had the day off, everything should be okay. Ten should be rested. Maybe he just feels spent, mentally, Baekhyun has been there before. Only time off and doing something unexpected can help with that.

_Hey hyung. It’s Kun here. I got your number from Yukhei.  
No one else knows, but Ten got called in for a meeting at the company today. He didn’t say anything about what happened at the meeting, but he was really angry when he came back. He didn’t tell me anything._

_Thank you. I’ll talk to him._

A meeting at the company? Baekhyun’s gonna have to yell at someone at the company now. It’s nothing he hasn’t done before.

Ten wakes up about an hour later. Baekhyun is in the living room, still racking his brain about what might have happened, when Ten enters, messy haired, and still blinking himself awake. He walks straight to the couch where Baekhyun is sitting, and takes a seat next to him.

“How was your nap?”

“Not good.”

“What happened?” Baekhyun asks, “I know you got called into a meeting.”

“Fucking Kun, I specifically asked him not to tell anyone. Here he is, volunteering the information.”

“I asked.”

“Why would you ask?”

“I was worried.”

“Don’t. That’s a real boyfriend type of thing.”

Baekhyun swallows. Shit. Is it that obvious?

“Just because we’re fake boyfriends doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit about you,” Baekhyun says. A small, white lie to ease into the conversation, “So what happened?”

“I got scolded. I’m not putting in enough effort here. I apparently need to carry things until you finish with this comeback. Also, people have been wondering why we don’t kiss. We’re supposed to kiss. They want us to kiss at least once during that week when we overlap with promotions. It’s stupid. The company ordering me to kiss someone?”

“I promise to moisturize my lips.”

“Your lips look soft enough without you moisturizing them.”

“Thank you,” he says, trying his best not to choke on his words. Cause holy fuck? Ten has been looking at his lips? “So why don’t you want to kiss me?” Baekhyun means it like a joke, but Ten doesn’t seem to be in the mood for a laugh. Baek’s attempt doesn’t lighten up the situation at all.

“It’s not that. I don’t want to be ordered to do it. And I don’t want my first kiss with you to be for everyone to see.”

There’s a lot to unpack there and Baekhyun wishes he could hi pause and do it right there and then. But he can’t, so he has to stash it in the back of his mind and save it for later. There’s another fire to put out right now.

“It doesn’t have to be. You have permission to kiss me before that. Whenever you’re ready. My lips will be accessible to you. Any time, any place.”

“That’s actually helpful. Thanks Baek,” Ten responds, the anger on his face softening slightly.

“No problem. Don’t forget that we’re in this together. You can talk to me about this. Don’t make me worry like this again.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“Let’s get you some food.”

“Yes please. I haven’t eaten since the morning.”

“Ten! You need to eat.”

“I know, I know. I was just so pissed off, it was the last thing on my mind.”

The innocent with a hint of mischief look on Ten’s face isn’t anything new, but it makes Baekhyun realize that he’s wrapped around Ten’s finger, and there’s a good chance that Ten knows it.

* * *

Sometimes, Baekhyun wishes he had a time machine, and he wishes he could go back in time and stop himself. Not just from saying what he said, but also from falling in love with Ten back when he did. He grows frustrated more and more.

It’s one thing to love someone from afar. It’s so easy. You don’t have to swallow down any feelings, you don’t have to pretend that you’re indifferent at all. Baekhyun misses the hell out of that. He misses being carefree when he thinks about Ten because he’s not afraid Ten might read through him and see exactly what’s going on.

All he does now is swallow his pride and pretend he’s unbothered by what’s going on between him and Ten. His previous feelings are only further developing. How can they not? He’s around Ten more than he’s even been, he gets to learn more about him, and all of his suspicions are coming true. Ten is perfect, and Ten is perfect for him. It’s impossible to deny that anymore, it’s impossible for Baekhyun to pretend like it’s not the first and last thought in his head every day.

He can’t go back from this. As things stand at the moment, he’s always going to be in love with Ten. And it feels so lonely, being in actual love with someone who’s only pretending to love you.

* * *

After his weekend off, Baekhyun once again begins counting down the days. This time he counts down until the moment WayV makes their comeback, so he can start interacting with Ten on the daily again. The company has him going to WayV’s dorms many times once they start their promotions, and while he’s nervous about that on one hand, he’s excited about it on the other. He’s excited to get to know Ten and Yukhei’s members better, as more than just names he struggles to connect to the corresponding face.

In the meantime he keeps busy. There is a lot of work, as the promotions near their end, there are more interviews, this time international ones, and Baekhyun gets to flaunt his English knowledge, which makes him proud. Between performances and interviews, there are photoshoots, and rehearsals, but also there are emails that he has to answer, he has to get things moving again. He also has to start thinking about the SuperM activities, and his own comeback. The company wants his input about all of that now.

_Can you come over tonight?_

The text arrives on a Monday afternoon, the final Monday of EXOs promotions. He hasn’t seen or heard from Ten in eight days.

_Sure. But I get off after eleven._

_No problem. Just come when you’re done._

Baekhyun has no idea what the entire thing is about, and he is excited to find that out exactly. It comes out of the blue, so at first he’s taken aback, but even after he allows it to settle within him, the initial uncertainty remains in him and it doesn’t let him rest. What can this be about? Sure, that conversation crosses his mind, but by now, when it comes to Ten, he’s used to things not going his way. That’s why he doesn’t expect it to happen, even though they specifically talked about it happening and agreed that it should.

They’re done with the performance, another unsuccessful attempt at securing a win that has Baekhyun discouraged, and on their way back, he asks the driver to drop him off at WayV’s.

“Why?” Chanyeol wiggles his eyebrows at him.

“Mind your own business.”

“How are you getting home from there? Are you even getting home after?” Junmyeon asks, and Baekhyun understands that it comes from a place of concern, but it didn’t have to be phrased that way.

“I’ll take a cab.”

“I can come pick you up.”

“Why would you do that?”

“For shits and giggles,” Sehun rolls his eyes at him, “I’ll be in the neighborhood in like ten minutes.”

“But why?”

“There’s a really good bakery a couple of blocks away. We can get some food and I’ll drive you back.”

“You’re not gonna get any gossip.”

“Okay, fine. No gossip. I understand,” Sehun looks annoyed because of the implication, “Do you want a ride, or not?”

“A ride would be great, thanks.”

They drop him off right in front of the dorms, and he texts Ten as soon as the van stops in front of the building. By the time the van drives away and Baekhyun enters the lobby Ten is already waiting for him there. Baekhyun assumes that Ten has made a quick trip downstairs, and he assumes wrong. He realizes that Ten has been waiting for him a few moments later, when he sees the cup of noodles and Ten’s drawing tablet on the stairs. Okay. Now he’s extra curious about what prompted the invitation.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Yeah, no worries. What’s up?”

“Um… let’s talk in my room,” Ten says, swinging his head to motion that they’re headed upstairs. Baekhyun lets him lead the way, the knot in his stomach only getting tighter as the suspense grows. He wishes he could have the answer to what’s going on right away, but he needs to be patient. The moment he’ll find out isn’t so far ahead into the future. He can wait a few minutes. He should be able to at least. Just trust Ten, he tells himself. Whatever it is, at least he’s going to say it, without Baekhyun having to ask and then ask other people because Ten doesn’t want to say it. They’re a team, and now they’re acting like one. This is an absolutely positive thing. No matter what Ten wants to say to him. He keeps telling himself that because the monologue is what keeps him from panicking.

He has never been inside Ten’s room, and he can’t lie and say that he’s not nervous about it. He’s curious about that side of Ten. And that side of Ten turns out to be really tidy, almost too tidy. Like he cleaned right before Baekhyun arrived. Did he clean?

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Our comeback is on Friday. Three days.”

“I know. I’m excited. The teasers look great.” A look of genuine surprise washes over Ten’s face. “What?”

“You actually saw the teasers?”

“Yeah. I’m waiting for the final one, where it’s all of you to post about it. I’m supportive, but I didn’t want to seem biased, you know.”

“Yeah. I get that. Good plan.”

“Thank you. I cooked it up myself,” he jokes, “So what did you want to talk about?”

“Right. Before that, I know that starting next week you’ll start staying over here. You’ll be across the hall from me, that room is free.”

“Okay. Cool.”

An uncomfortable silence builds between them. Baekhyun doesn’t want to force Ten to say it, so he keeps quiet and waits. It’s best that Ten opens up on his own. Whatever might be bothering him can be solved, Baekhyun is adamant about it.

“Remember, we talked about the comeback and how management wants us to kiss,” Ten finally says. Oh. That thing Baekhyun didn’t want to let himself believe is actually _the_ thing.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“I spoke to them again. We decided that it should be a celebratory thing. Like, if one of us gets a win.”

“Great. That would make a whole lot more sense, then just doing it.”

“Yeah. So it might happen.”

“It might,” Baekhyun confirms.

“I want to do what you suggested,” Ten concludes after a beat, “I want to kiss you.”

“Okay.”

“Can I do it now?”

“Yeah,” he nods.

Baekhyun stands still, anticipating it. He hides his eagerness, he doesn’t want to scare Ten off, so he’s letting him take the lead on this one. He can take the lead on their next kiss. If there is one.

Ten closes the space between them slowly, then stops, uncertain of what he should do next. Baekhyun’s inspecting every inch of Ten’s face, taking advantage of the closeness. They’ve never been this close before. Ten’s eyes are focused on Baekhyun’s lips, and Baek can almost feel him debating it with himself. Ten places a hand on Baekhyun’s nape as he timidly leans into the kiss. It’s going so slow that Baekhyun allows the anticipation build in his head even further, and he closes his eyes, giving into his senses.

At first, Ten brushes his lips against Baekhyun’s, but barely, like he’s testing the waters. When he feels a bit more confident the contact begins to look more like a kiss, a light suction that makes Baekhyun kiss back as his mind goes blank. Holy fucking shit. This is actually happening. He cannot believe it.

The kiss doesn’t go any further than that, Ten ends it and takes a step back. Baekhyun would love to go back into it, plant a hungrier one, but Ten seems to be done with all of that for now. He’s blushing slightly, eyes avoiding meeting Baekhyun’s. So Baek knows that it’s over for now.

“Thanks,” Ten finally says, ending the silence. He clears his throat, takes a glimpse of Baekhyun, and immediately looks away.

“Uh, yeah. No worries,” he returns. As the silence starts to build Baekhyun takes his cue, “I should go. Sehun’s waiting for me at some bakery he likes.”

“Right. We see him a lot at the one a couple of blocks over,” Ten says adding after a pause, “You should get the sausage-ppang.”

“I will. Thanks.”

* * *

Baekhyun leaves that night without any worry about what happened. He actually leaves quite happy, jitters in his stomach from the kiss.

“What happened?” Sehun asks him, immediately noticing the change in Baekhyun’s behavior. Baekhyun hasn’t even taken a seat yet, and he’s already getting interrogated.

“None of your business.”

“Fine.”


	5. neptune

Ten isn’t being himself.

It takes Baekhyun a few days to realize it, which he blames on the fact that he doesn’t see Ten enough to be able to tell, but once he does realize, it’s all he can think about.

The realization strikes on the first day of WayV’s comeback, when both bands are put together in the same room before the performances, and they officially meet. At the beginning, Baekhyun thinks it’s the situation that throws Ten off, but he’s seen Ten flourish in much more awkward situation. It’s not the comeback either, he’s debuted with Ten and Ten was as cool as a cucumber then. Something is different. And the only thing he knows for sure changed is that they kissed. Shit. That has to be it.

He almost talks to Ten about it, he only fails to do it because Jongin stops him with a hand on his shoulder and a warning look.

“Why? What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. They don’t either. But you shouldn’t right now. Later.”

Baekhyun hates to admit it, but Jongin is right about this. He doesn’t know for certain what started the fire, and he shouldn’t try to put it out in case what he does only adds fuel to it.

But later makes it so much worse.

It’s their second to last night doing promotions, and for some reason, this is the night that they receive their first win. They’re celebrating, sure, but Baekhyun’s dying inside. Cause holy shit, it’s going to happen again. And in front of everyone. Even though that might be the exact reason why Ten seems to be slightly on edge.

It happens after they pick up the trophy and Junmyeon gives a small thank you speech. After everyone walks away, but the WayV boys remain to celebrate with them. Ten is smiling as he goes in for a hug, and Baekhyun understands really well that it’s just for the cameras, but at the same time, that smile makes his heart jump out because it’s just so perfect. Ten is perfect. And then Ten kisses him, met by gasps from the crowd, while everyone around them pretends that it’s normal.

Baekhyun kisses him back. Too wrapped up into how good it feels, how much he wanted Ten to kiss him again, he forgets that he’s not supposed to let go this time. Sure, it’s short, and to anyone outside of their relationship it doesn’t seem like this grand gesture that’s full of emotion, but it is. At least for Baekhyun it is. And that’s where he fucks up.

Ten ends the kiss. He’s supposed to smile immediately for the cameras, but instead he gives Baekhyun a serious look and sets his world on fire with a single word.

“Kiwi.”

Shit. Not good. Very bad. Worse than Baekhyun thought.

It’s only then that Ten puts on a smile, and he goes to congratulate everyone else. Baekhyun’s on the verge of having a breakdown as he stands there, smiling and saying “thank you”s to the congratulations from the rest of the WayV boys.

* * *

His texts go read but unanswered, so he calls. And calls. And he keeps calling. Ten just doesn’t want to answer.

He hasn’t heard from him since their safeword, and that was two days ago. He’s supposed to go to WayV’s dorms in an hour. It’ll be easier to go without any fear. When Ten doesn’t answer for the nth time, Baekhyun texts Yukhei.

_Is Ten okay._

_I don’t know. He hasn’t come out of his room all day long. He’s only been interacting with the animals today.  
You should talk to him, hyung._

_I’ll be there soon._

Baekhyun begins getting ready immediately. It’s a bit too early, but he’s getting nervous about it again, so it’s better to do get ready than to pace around the house and let everything he’s feeling get even worse. The only reason he allowed it to go for this long was because of schedules, and because he was too busy to make his way to the dorm and figure this entire thing out. So he pack. What, he isn’t sure, he’ll figure it out later, as long as he’s packed a single change of clothes, he’ll be fine, cause technically, that’s all he needs.

He’s too distracted to drive, so he calls an Uber, thankful that the task of it fills up some of the time he’d easily spend doing some more pacing around.

When he arrives at the WayV dorm, he rings the bell. This time, it’s Hendery that lets him in.

“Hey hyung.”

“Hey. How are you?”

“Me? I’m good,” Hendery says to him, “Ten… we don’t know what’s going on with him.”

“I’ll try to find out,” Baekhyun finds himself promising, which he shouldn’t. With how things have been progressing in the last week, he might be the last person Ten wants to see right now.

Hendery accompanies him to the dorm he’ll be staying at, keeps him company as Baekhyun leaves everything on the foot of the bed, then goes to Ten’s door and knocks on it. And he knocks again.

“I’m not hungry YangYang. Just…”

“It’s me,” Baekhyun interrupts whatever Ten wanted to say. Ten falls silent at that, he doesn’t answer for a few moments. Then he opens the door.

“Hi,” Ten says, eying him from head to toe before he looks at Hendery with a stern look.

“That’s my cue,” Hendery offers, seconding it with a smile, and he leaves them alone.

“Come in,” Ten says only then, stepping back so Baekhyun can enter the room.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“You said ‘kiwi’ and walked away. I’ve trying to get in touch every time I can ever since, but you’re not answering. I’m worried.”

“I just panicked. I shouldn’t have said ‘kiwi’.”

“That’s exactly why we decided on it, isn’t it. For when either of us panics,” Baekhyun reminds him, “I don’t care that you said it. Why did you panic? Why have you been shutting everyone off ever since?”

Ten takes a deep breath before he answers.

“You kissed back. It overwhelmed me.”

Baekhyun’s heart sinks. The slightest bit of affection in that kiss is what caused this. He hurt Ten. He can’t believe how stupid he was.

“I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t expect you to kiss back.”

“I won’t again. If we have to kiss again, I won’t kiss you back. It was just instinct. A reflex. I’m really sorry.” He might sound a bit too forceful, but the blabber is out of his control. It’s basically word vomit at this point.

“Just a reflex?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Ten nods, his entire body seemingly relaxing at the answer he got.

“Didn’t we decide that we were going to talk about things like this? You haven’t talked to me in days. I was really worried.”

“We’ll talk more from now on, I promise.”

“Good. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

It’s not exactly what Baekhyun wants to say. He wants to dig deeper into why Ten would be overwhelmed by him kissing him back, he kissed back the first time too, but he can’t bring himself to do it. What if that just makes things worse? He just made things ever so slightly better.

“Now that I know exactly what happened, it’s okay. We’re good.”

“I hope we never become not good again. I don’t like it.”

Ten gives him a smile, and it hits Baekhyun directly in the chest. Shit. Should’ve he lied and said that it was just a reflex. Is there something more between them that’s not one sided? Was this entire thing a big ass mistake that will ruin everything good between them?

The latter is what Baekhyun is afraid of.

* * *

Ten is busier than Baekhyun first realized. The company apparently has him working on another single for the SM station, so whenever he’s not performing with WayV, or doing interviews or live streams, he’s still not at the dorms because he’s recording, filming, practicing. That’s how Baekhyun ends up alone in the dorm, spending more time on his computer or with the pets than Ten. If he didn’t know better, he’d say that Ten is avoiding him. And once that thought gets into his head, there is no going back. He’s now pretty sure that Ten is avoiding him.

Thankfully, he’s not the only one that notices he’s being ignored, now that he’s basically living in WayV’s dorms, he starts befriending the boys, and they see it too. He’s busy in a different way, the manager starts sending him demos for him to pick and choose from, asking for ideas about songs and concepts. Baekhyun takes his time brainstorming, trying to figure out what he wants to do, but in the end, all he comes to is the same thing. Write about what you know. And what he knows at this moment is Ten. Loving, missing, needing to be with Ten. Not being able to. Despite that they’re technically in a relationship. It’s going to be a weird album if that’s what he ends up writing about.

Choosing demos when he isn’t sure what he wants from the album is hard. But not impossible. It helps that he’s not doing it alone, per se. There’s someone keeping him company when he’s staying at WayV’s when Ten isn’t there. On the rare occasion when he is, they do their normal of sitting near and doing their own thing. Baekhyun hates to say it, but he seems to be having more fun with the rest of WayV.

* * *

Baekhyun is sitting cross legged on the floor with his back to the bed. He’s going through his emails, clearing spam and reorganizing. He has an entire folder of demos, potential songs he could record, and he isn’t sure about any of them. He’s listening through them again, this time with two cats and a dog as company, and he’s actually making some decisions. He might not know what he wants from the album yet, but he does know what he doesn’t like, so he sends a list of the ones that are a hard ‘no’. That’s what management wants, anyway.

“There they are,” he hears a voice and looks up, “Hey hyung.”

“Hey Sicheng. What’s up?”

“We were looking for the animals. They’ve been here for long?”

“About an hour. I left the door open in case you called after them, but they were scratching on my door for a really long time, I had to let them in.”

“No worries. It’s just past their feeding time, and they never skip it. It’s really weird. They must really like you.”

“I like them too.”

“Hey hyung. What are you up to?” Xiaojun is the next one that shows up.

“Going through demos that I could potentially use for my album.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Not so much. Very difficult decisions. Can you guys help me? I need all the opinions about it that I can get.”

“Sure. Come to the common room. Maybe you can get the munchkins to eat, cause they’re not listening to us today.”

The common room with handful of WayV members, listening to demos. That’s how he spends the afternoon, and that’s exactly where Ten finds him when he gets back.

“What are you guys up to?” Ten asks.

“Listening to demos Baekhyun-hyung received for his album,” Hendery answers instead of Baekhyun.

“Oh? Anything good?”

“A few,” Baekhyun says, giving Ten a reassuring smile.

“I can’t wait to hear it.”

“How was your day?” he finds himself asking a question that stops Ten from leaving the room.

“Busy. I had a photoshoot and they made it last the entire day. I can’t wait to get to bed.”

“You should eat first,” Baekhyun says.

“Yeah. Let’s get dinner first, then you can go to bed,” Sicheng offers enthusiastically.

“Okay,” Ten agrees, slight reluctance in his words.

Baekhyun gets a chance to spend some time with Ten and his friends, and witness Ten in his most natural habitat. It’s the most normal he’s felt around Ten ever since they made fools of themselves at dinner with their SuperM members.

* * *

The only thing Baekhyun is sure that he wants from his album is for it to be his own. It’s not a mini album, this will be his entire, fully grown baby, so he needs to be truthful with it, while also treating it with kindness. Be as serious or playful with it as he wants to be. He knows that he wants to write the lyrics, and the entire time he was serving in the army he had an idea of it being a concept album, so he needs to figure that out better too. He wants to write the lyrics in English, just cause it’s so universal these days, but he isn’t too sure he can pull it off well, so he’s going to have to ask for help to make sure what he writes works. He has time for that though. He has three months before he’ll have to start recording, so in the meantime, he has time to figure out the details. But he feels like he has a good start. He can work with what the company’s offering right now. Whether or not the company likes what he comes up with though, is a different story.

* * *

It’s maybe his sixth visit to the dorms when he starts feeling exactly like home, and it’s all thanks to the members who are open with him way more than he expected them to be. When he comes into the building YangYang is waiting for him, greeting him with a smile.

“Hey hyung.”

“Hi YangYang. What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you. I need a favor,” YangYang says with an expression on his face that Baekhyun could swear he learned from Ten.

“Sure.”

“Yukhei says you’re better than me at gaming, and I’m getting mocked by the Dream guys. I keep dying first whenever I play with them. I’m supposed to play with them again next weekend. Can you please help me?”

Baekhyun considers it, considers how many things he has to get done that day. In the end, there are only pros, no cons, because he actually needs a distraction anyway. Ten won’t be there until later, he has time to spare.

“Sure. I’d be happy to. What are you guys playing?”

“Fortnite.”

“I’m okay at Fortnite, but Sehun’s better,” he’s basically thinking out loud when he says it, he doesn’t mean anything by it.

“He should come if he can. I’ll buy some food from that bakery he likes as a thank you,” YangYang suggests.

“Does everyone know about the bakery Sehun goes to?”

“Pretty much, yeah. We see him there at least once a week,” he nods, “I could really use some help,” YangYang says, then offers an innocent smile. Ten has taught him well.

Fuck it. Why not?

“Let’s do it.”

They regroup in an hour, in YangYang’s room, and in front of his computer. Sehun makes his way to the dorms, and Baekhyun and YangYang make a trip to the bakery and back in the meantime.

“Practice makes perfect. The controllers can screw you over if you have to think about what to click next,” Baekhyun says, offering what little knowledge he has.

“We’ll play a few rounds and help you figure it out,” Sehun suggests, and that is exactly what they do.

Half an hour later, they’re a few rounds in, and YangYang’s getting better already. It’s not just the three of them there anymore, Xiaojun and Kun are playing with them, while Hendery and Yukhei keep them company. In between and during games they talk about video games, who likes playing what, which game they started gaming with. It reminds Baekhyun of all the empty conversations he has with the rest of EXO, and only emphasizes the fact that Baekhyun has a whole lot of fun and loves hanging out with Ten’s friends.

There’s a saying about being friends with your boyfriends friends, he’s almost sure of it. He just can’t think of it right now.

In YangYang’s room is where Ten finds him after he returns from shooting his video. He sits down next to Baekhyun, putting a head on his shoulder so he can see what’s going on in the game better, and joins into the conversation.

It’s so different from what his interactions with Ten have been in the last few months. It’s better. It feels nice and natural. Baekhyun feels like this position is where they belong.

* * *

WayV’s first win comes the night before they get a day off, so they go all out partying to celebrate. Baekhyun just happens to be with them that night. It’s his first time drinking more than a single drink since the time he and Ten accidentally told the world their gay, but he feels safe here. They’re in public, but they’re not exposed. They’re in the VIP area of the club, and there’s no one they could expose themselves to here.

“You were really great tonight,” he tells Ten. They’re dancing together, it was Ten’s idea, and Baekhyun’s pretty sure that it’s the alcohol that inspires him, but he can’t complain too much. He needed the contact. He needed Ten to pay him some attention. Ten pulls him close, lips near Baekhyun’s ear so they can talk, so Baekhyun takes advantage of it.

“Thanks. You’re really great always.”

“No, you are,” Baekhyun replies.

“No, no. I’m drunk.”

“I’m drunk too.”

“I’m drunker than you. You’re gonna have to take care of me. Like a good boyfriend.”

“I’ll take care of you. I’m a good boyfriend.”

“Kiwi,” Ten says, taking his hands off Baekhyun’s shoulders.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re not my boyfriend.”

“Officially, I am.”

“This is gonna end in January, and I’m really going to miss you. That’s like an entire truck of kiwis,” Ten tells him, each word hitting Baekhyun harder than the previous one.

“You won’t miss me. You’re not gonna lose me. I’m always going to bother you. You’ll never get rid of me.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“You better keep your word. Otherwise, I’ll be calling you every day and talking about kiwifruit.”

Baekhyun really wants to know what inspires Ten to say exactly that. But he doesn’t dare to ask. It’s such a nice moment, the implication behind it makes his chest all warm, his heart starts beating faster. He’d rather stay with that feeling and remember the night as it is.

Ten hangs onto him for the rest of the night. He relies on Baekhyun for support as he gets slightly too drunk, just like he promised he would, and he has Baekhyun taking care of him, just like he said he would. He carries Ten up the stairs, helps him get to his bed, and just as he starts walking away he’s stopped.

“Stay,” Ten says.

“I’m just across the hall.”

“No. Stay here. Sleep here. Please.”

Ten asks in a voice softer than Baekhyun has ever heard him speak in, and because of that, he can’t deny him. At an offer like that, he’ll never say no. He’ll always do what he can to be as near to Ten as he can be.

“I’ll go change. I’ll be right back.”

“I won’t fall asleep without you,” Ten says that softly too.

“I’ll be quick,” Baekhyun promises, allowing his hand to brush through Ten’s hair, hoping the little contact will soothe him. Ten brings his head up, meeting Baekhyun’s touch, making it linger. And Baekhyun’s screwed, the butterflies in his stomach making a grand reappearance. They’re so strong, they almost make him sick.

He rushes out of the room to change, doing the entire thing with questionable speed. Then he’s back in Ten’s room, and it’s true, Ten is wide awake, waiting.

“Come,” Ten invites him, patting the empty spot on the bed next to him. He takes cautious steps as he approaches the bed, uncertain about where this entire thing leads. Everything leads somewhere with Ten, a simple night out lead them to fake dating for the entire world to see. But Ten’s inviting him, and he’ll do whatever Ten wants. He suppressed his emotions for way too long, it’s time to indulge. And indulging means sharing a bed with Ten for the first time.

He gets under the covers, lying back into pillows that smell a bit too much like Ten. What follows is Ten scooting closer, wrapping an arm around Baekhyun’s middle, and pulling himself closer.

Ten falls asleep within minutes. It takes Baekhyun an hour of calming himself, before he realizes that it’s where he belongs, and falls asleep too.

* * *

They wake up spooning, and it surprisingly not awkward at all.

“Let’s go get breakfast,” is all Ten says, seconding it with a smile, and Baekhyun smiles back.

Maybe this is their new normal, Baekhyun thinks for a moment.

It turns out that he’s right.


	6. floating

As WayV’s month of promotions comes to an end Baekhyun finds himself in a new routine with Ten. The vault of pap walks for the company to release has run empty, so they have a lot of appearances scheduled. But luckily, they won’t have to be doing extra pap walks anymore. Their schedules for the next three months are with SuperM, so they’ll be together more. There will be no more pretending that they’re spending time together, they actually will be spending time together. And with how things have been evolving in the last few weeks, with how close Baekhyun feels to Ten, it’ll go well. They’re at the best spot they’ve ever been at

Baekhyun turned off notifications and stopped reading comments or checking social media months ago. If he has anything to post, he just posts it and leaves whatever app he’s on. Whatever happens online, is none of his business. If it’s something he has to know about, the people from the company will let him know in due time.

The SuperM activities don’t begin as abruptly as the EXO activities did. Baekhyun’s had enough time to readjust to life outside of the army. But also, they begin with a meeting, rather than a recording session where Baekhyun has to catch up with all the work everyone had done before him.

“Here are the songs we have prepared for you. Pick whichever ones you like. You need to pick twelve for the album,” the producer the company has assigned this time says to them, leaving a USB drive on top of the laptop set in the middle of the table. He must be new, Baekhyun’s never seen him before. He really hopes he’s good at his job.

“Wait, it’s not a mini album. It’s an entire album?” Mark is the one asking the question.

“Yes. We’d like to have your decision by tomorrow. Good luck. I’ll come check on you guys after lunch.”

The producer then walks away, leaving them to deal with the rest.

It’s Taemin that takes charge of the process of reading titles, and putting every song on, while Baekhyun writes down the titles of the songs they like. They’re inside the conference room for hours, but it feels like days. It’s so tiring, demos can suck your soul out sometimes, and Baekhyun knows that very well by now. The prompt deadline only makes it worse.

“I like whatever Baek likes,” Ten finally says.

“Ew,” Jongin replies, scrunching up his face.

“Shut up. We’re being cute,” Ten says the words sternly, trying to suppress a teasing smile, “I have to practice being cute, otherwise my instinct to be everything but cute takes the lead.”

“And we don’t want that,” Taemin gives him a smile.

“How many that we like do we have so far?” Taeyong asks, looking at Baekhyun for the answer. Baekhyun looks down on the piece of paper in front of him and starts counting. Shit, he should’ve numbered that list. He didn’t even think about that when he started writing things down.

“Eighteen.”

“So we need to cut six. Or, we can talk them into a repackage. We all know this is gonna do well,” Taemin suggests. Not a bad idea.

“I have a question,” Yukhei announces, his voice prompting for everyone’s attention, “Am I gonna get any lines this time around?”

“Of course. It seems like they want more of our input this time around. We’re splitting things equally,” Baekhyun responds.

“Agreed,” Ten says, reaching over for the list of songs, “Let me see that.”

Baekhyun lets him take the piece of paper and the pen, his attention turned towards the rest of his members. It seems like the perfect time for a speech that will bring moral up. That’s the number one task on his schedule as a leader anyway.

“We’re in this together. I’m not gonna let management make anyone feel less than. We’re all here because we’re great at what we do, and that’s a a fact. No one’s gonna be in the background the entire time. I won’t let that happen.”

“You. Against management,” Jongin scoffs.

“We’ve been pretty successful against management for the last few months.”

“You’re literally in a fake relationship. They made you kiss on camera.”

“Yeah, but I bargained so it only happens if one of the groups has a win,” Ten speaks, his eyes focused on the sheet of paper. It’s only then that Baekhyun looks at what he’s doing. He’s numbering the songs for him. Or, if he had to put it in Ten’s words, practicing being cute.

“And sure, we’re in a fake relationship, but we also went to a theme park, and we’re going to the movies tomorrow. I made them add that in the schedule.”

“We made the schedule too. They wanted us to break up next week and make it awkward for the remainder of promotions and tour. Imagine the hell that would’ve been. We got it changed,” Ten explains, then slides the now numbered list back towards Baekhyun.

“I’ve been in this company longer than any of you, and I guarantee you that it’s different. They know Junmyeon is really close to buying the company. Maybe he even has started the process. Things have been changing these last few months. We’re getting to choose from demos, getting the things we’ve been asking for, we’re getting more days off even during schedules, more creative freedom. They’re all shaken up cause of it, doing more what the artists need compared to what the company wants. Trying to keep their jobs cause they know Junmyeon might clear house. We should take advantage of that,” Taemin drives home the point Baek was trying to make. Everyone’s stance softens, they feel more comfortable with the conversation. Yukhei feels comfortable with it too. And Baekhyun’s proud at how close they’ve all grown.

“We’re doing it. We’re going to make this album with as equal of line distribution as any,” Taeyong concludes, an announcement met with approval from everyone in the room.

Looking around his members Baekhyun feels like they’re more of a team than they’ve ever been before.

* * *

“What’s the last time you went to the movies?” Ten asks.

They’re in the car, Baekhyun’s driving them to the movie theater. It’s a pleasant evening. They had a great success of turning in their final list and talking the producer into a repackage, and this outing sure feels like a reward.

“I’m not sure. 2015 I think? When did Big Hero 6 come out?”

“That’s a really long time ago.”

Yeah. Time flies. Baekhyun barely noticed that it’s been so long since he had a chance to do something as normal as going to the movies without worry about doing it. Now, looking back at it, it’s been longer than he thought.

“How about you?”

“A few months ago. I went to see the new Marvel movie with YangYang and Hendery.”

Movies with friends. That must’ve been nice.

The photographers are waiting for them at the parking lot, just like the PR people notified them they would just hours prior, and they follow them from there to the movie theater. Ten is the one that takes his hand first, intertwines their fingers together. Baekhyun’s missed that contact. They haven’t held hands like this since the last time they were around photographers, unless he counts the time a few weeks back when they weren’t sober. Officially, Baekhyun doesn’t count that night. He pretends it never happened. No one has to acknowledge that night. It’s just for him. And he likes thinking about it as he falls asleep. It feels a lot less lonely that way. It sparks up so much hope in Baekhyun, lets him daydream about it until the moment he’s actually asleep and dreaming. The happy thoughts make him feel rested in the morning, so he won’t let go of it easily.

Baekhyun realizes that night what he misses most about simple things like a trip to the movies. They make you forget. He forgets all his worries in the three hours that they’re in the theater. It’s just him and Ten, popcorn between them and a fictional story on the screen, so he has no reason to think about anything else but the movie. He feels normal, like there isn’t anything special about anything going on in his life. He feels completely relaxed, and it lasts for a bit. Nothing bothers him for the rest of the night, not the occasional look from the other people in the theater, not the people asking for pictures before and after the movie, not even the pictures they’re taking without asking, thinking they’re being sneaky about it.

Everything about the night feels organic, and he wonders if it’s because by now he’s gotten used to the craziness in his life, or because it just is. The conversations with Ten sure are natural and unforced. There seem to be more and more gestures that prove how close they’ve become since the whole thing started. He and Ten have worked this out. It so much better now than it was at the beginning, or even few weeks ago.

Him and Ten being comfortable and attentive with each other is definitely the new normal.

* * *

The monthly meeting takes the same turn as the other have.

“So. How are things?” Jongdae asks Baekhyun. All his members are looking at him with curiosity, expecting Baekhyun to say something like his usual melodramatic bullshit about Ten. Jongin is the only who doesn’t give a shit about this. He already has to put up with so much of the Baekhyun and Ten show, so Baekhyun doesn’t hold the bored look on Jongin’s face against him.

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re disgusting,” Jongin then says.

“I’d say cute, but whatever floats your boat,” Sehun retorts.

“You’re not with them every day. Or ever.”

“I’ve been around them a few times,” Sehun reveals. The group seems to be more shocked about that then they should be.

“What?” Minseok cuts in. This really is brand new information to most of them, which is what surprises Baekhyun. Sehun would’ve said something.

“I play video games with the WayV guys once a week now.”

“Oh my god. I knew we babied you, but you’re an actual baby,” Jongdae jokes.

“Not exactly.”

“They baby him too,” Baekhyun states. It’s true. Sehun just kind of gets put on a pedestal wherever he is, whatever group his with does the same.

“You can’t be serious. They’re all younger than you,” Kyungsoo says, seconding it with a judgmental stare.

“I’m everyone’s baby, Kyungsoo. No one can never take that away from me,” Sehun defends himself.

“So you and Ten are fine?” Junmyeon switches back to the previous topic.

“If I didn’t know that him and Ten were fake dating, I’d say they’re dating for real. They’re getting annoyingly clingy,” Jongin says, a statement which once again has everyone looking at Baekhyun with wonderment.

“If we were actually dating you all would’ve known by now. Who else would I brag to?”

“He’s right about that,” Minseok notes.

“Sehun would’ve told us too, since he has replaced us with the WayV members, he probably knows a thing or two,” Chanyeol says.

“Sehun’s right here. And he’s telling you shit from now on.”

“Oh, baby. Don’t get so angry. It only makes you cuter.” The statement is followed by chuckles and Chanyeol basically jumping onto Sehun to pull him in for a hug.

“This is exactly why I hang out with other people so much. All of you have gotten so annoying.”

* * *

When Baekhyun suggested that the PR team add a karaoke or club night for him and Ten, he was half joking cause he didn’t even for a second think they would actually do it. And then they did add it, so he began looking forward to it. However, while a club night for just him and Ten sounds great, it’s not exactly perfect. What are they actually going to do if it’s just the two of them. Everyone knows, the more people, the more fun any party will be.

So they invite some of the people they know, and a night out for the cameras turns into a night out with all their friends, which is great because it just so happens to be their last opportunity for such a night before they get busy and have to start recording, and then shooting on the daily.

They’re getting drunker than they should. Baekhyun tries to pace himself more, but Taemin keeps pouring drinks to everyone, like the wonderful older brother he is, and he keeps telling him to relax, that there’s nothing he should worry about. Baekhyun trusts Taemin a whole lot more than he should. Trusting Taemin that he should have another drink might be what led him here, but he’s having so much fun that he doesn’t really care.

Ten doesn’t leave his side. They’re drinking all night, flirting with each other, then dancing together, always touching, like there’s magnets that keep them so close. The way they’re dancing might be a whole lot less PG than it should be, and there are people around them, filming and taking photos. But Baekhyun doesn’t care. Those videos and photographs are the reason they’re out. But more importantly than that, he’s laughing all night long, and it’s all thanks to Ten. His Ten. Ten is his for the rest of that night. And he’d love if that remained that way.

In the morning he wakes up to his alarm, in his own house, in his own bed, and with Ten in his arms. His first thought is that he hopes he’ll have a chance to experience that again sometime, because at that moment, it feels too good to be true.

What he doesn’t know yet is that it’s just the beginning of him waking up with Ten in his arms.

* * *

They record everything in a surprisingly short period. Within maybe two weeks since they pick the demos they like, they’re done recording, and they’re in post-production. Baekhyun has someone in the studio with him, so they can make sure that the mixes are decent, and it’s important that they all get an equal say in that. The single they go for is Taemin’s suggestion, he already has a concept in mind, and the producers back him up on it. It’s weird having their all ideas taken seriously, but the artistic freedom they’re getting is long overdue.

When they start preparing the choreography for the video, their single is still a rough draft, but the schedule is catching up to them, so they have to get things moving. They’re busy. They’re busier than Baekhyun wants to be, and as much as he tries to find some balance, in those two weeks leading up to the video shoot it’s almost impossible. He only feels a bit of freedom the day before, the songs are almost done, and everything going on is out of his control. They’re in rehearsal for most of the day, and when they aren’t they’re in fittings for the video. But it feels like a much more relaxed day. He has a chance to talk to everyone more. He gets a chance to talk to Ten too. They’ve been around each other the last few weeks, but to Baekhyun it feels like he hasn’t seen him at all.

They haven’t had any sleepovers since the time they went out and got really drunk because by the end of the work day they’ve both felt too tired to go out of their way and reconnect. The gist of it is that there’s nothing in their schedule about meeting up, so they don’t do it.

Baekhyun starts to miss it. He misses falling asleep at night knowing that Ten is near. It’s that same day, the day before they start filming the video that Baekhyun starts really missing Ten, so much that it’s eating him up, and despite the fact that Ten is sitting right next to him.

“Hey,” he whispers, prompting for Ten’s attention, “Would it be okay if I come to the dorms tonight? I’m too tired to drive all the way to mine.” It’s a lame excuse, and he has a feeling that Ten reads right through him. But he doesn’t care. He needs this, so he asked for it.

“Sure. I was going to ask for a ride anyway. This works out perfectly.”

Baekhyun feels like he’s gonna fall asleep the moment his head hits the pillow, but it turns out not to be so easy. Cause that’s where the restlessness comes in, he thinks about his feelings for Ten, how obvious they may or may not be, and it keeps him awake. He’s about to give up, go to WayV’s common room and play with the pets if any of them happen to be awake, and that’s what’s going to help him get his mind off it, but he gets interrupted by a knock on his door. Ten cracks the door open, sticking his head in.

“Everything okay?” Baekhyun asks on instinct.

“Yeah. Um… can I sleep here?”

Baekhyun nods. He’s surprised by the gesture, by Ten’s demeanor as he brings himself to ask, worried about the answer rather than his usual laid back approach. Baekhyun’s stomach turns as Ten walks in and closes the door behind himself. He gets under the covers and lies down, and apparently that’s all Baekhyun needs to stop analyzing himself, then start from the beginning and reanalyze everything. Every inch of his body relaxes, and sleep finally comes to him.

He doesn’t mean to say it. He’s falling asleep, and the thought pops into his mind, so the words just leave his mouth.

“I missed this.”

He doesn’t open his eyes, but he feels Ten move on the mattress next to him, and moments later, Baekhyun’s wrapped in Ten’s arms, once again feeling like it’s exactly where he belongs.

“I missed this too.”

* * *

The video takes them three days to film completely, and by the end they all feel drained to the point where they can’t even hold a conversation. Yukhei is asleep while the rest of them are on their phones, basically lying in the seats of the van that’s driving them back. It’ll be hours before they arrive back in Seoul, they should be home by morning. Until then, they’re stuck inside the van, with whatever entertainment they have, and enough snacks to hold them off until the next time they stop for gas.

But Baekhyun gets to forget about all of that. There’s nothing he can do until they’re back home, no emails to send, no calls to answer. No responsibilities until then. He can just sit back and enjoy Ten’s attention. Ten’s perpetual attention.

They’re sitting next to each other, splitting Baekhyun’s pair of airpods, because they’re watching a movie on his phone. They’re in a familiar position, Ten has his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder, arm hooked through Baekhyun’s. It’s so comfortable.

The more he realizes that he feels like he belongs with Ten, the more screwed he feels. He can never come back from this. Ten is all he wants. Ten is the only person he has loved like this. Whatever happens between them, and it doesn’t matter if he ends up with Ten being his, or Ten being in his life at all, Baekhyun just wishes that Ten will be happy.

They haven’t talked about what they are, together, or on their own, and they’ve barely talked about the future, and what they want, so all Baekhyun can say for sure is that he wants Ten to be himself, and happy as himself. He’ll love him either way. Even if it has to be from afar again.


	7. permission

Baekhyun gets into his own head for a lot of things. So many things. Basically every single fucking thing going on in his life. He reads into details, creates little scenarios and stories in his head about everything. Personal, public life. He used to do it for his love life too, but ever since he and Ten started fake dating, he made himself stop. Whenever he feels the cycle begin, he forces himself to start thinking about something else. He can’t afford to make up a story where the attention Ten gives him is actually love. Doing that wouldn’t do any good. Ten gives all his members attention, Baekhyun isn’t special in any way. That’s what he thinks for months, what he thinks every time Ten touches him, or spends time with him. He enjoys it, but he knows that there isn’t as much behind it as he might potentially think there is. So he doesn’t let himself think about it at all. He doesn’t plan to get into his head about this.

Taeyong is the one that gets him started, and it’s the WayV boys that get him fully there.

They just so happen to be sitting next to each other on the flight to LA, and Baekhyun’s excited for the quality time they’re about to spend together. He might be in love with Ten, but Taeyong’s his favorite. Those two things have always remained truth.

“I thought you and Ten were only fake dating,” Taeyong tells him. Baekhyun looks up from the video on his laptop, then looks at Taeyong who’s expecting an answer.

“We are.”

“I’m confused now. Cause it seems to me like it’s real.”

He’s confused? Baekhyun will bet on him being more confused than Taeyong.

“What makes you think that?”

“He’s really touchy with you, hyung.”

“He’s touchy with everyone.”

“Not like that.”

Taeyong changes the subject after that. He starts talking about something that happened, and how at the time he only told Jaehyun cause Jaehyun is good at keeping secrets, but then it turned out that it didn’t have to be a secret, and Baekhyun is only half listening, cause he starts getting in his head about it.

So he takes advantage of that airplane Wi-Fi and he messages the only person he thinks will have the answer and won’t snitch on him right away at the same time.

_Hey YangYang. I have a question._

_Sure, hyung._

_Ten is touchy with everyone, right._

_Yep. But for like really short periods. He gets spooked quickly._

_Is he more touchy with me? Taeyong told me that, and I’m not sure it is right._

_He’s sooo much more touchy with you hyung that we actually had a meeting about it, we were worried that he might be sick or something.  
He’s not sick, though, don’t worry._

_Thanks._

_No problem.  
Sehun-hyung says hi._

He messages Sehun a ‘if you’re going to bother the boys so much at least treat them dinner’, then gets back to his thoughts. If Taeyong who’s known Ten for years says it and if YangYang, who spends so much time with Ten says it, then there might be something there. But as of right now, he can’t allow himself anything more than ‘might’ because ‘might’ might lead him down a path he’s spend years avoiding, and sometimes those paths drive him straight into the arms of a panic attack. The worst thing he can do is have a panic attack right after they passed the International Date Line.

_I do buy the boys dinner. And I get desserts. Have you ever bought them dinner?_

_I do buy them dinner._

_You better. You’re basically their stepdad at this point. Treat them right._

_You should be a good hyung to them and not talk with disrespect like that._

_You should be a good hyung and make out with Ten already. We all really want you to._

Fucking Sehun, always having to be going against what any of them say. Always having to be kind of right. Always having to be a cheeky little bastard, also. Shit.

* * *

Management has Baekhyun and Ten sharing a room for the entire comeback as well as the US and Europe tours. That’s not an issue at all. But management also has them sharing a bed. Which also isn’t an issue, it’s nothing that they haven’t done before. Except, it is now, because Baekhyun’s overthinking it. Ten goes unfazed, he doesn’t even bat an eye. Just walks in, leaves his bags next to one of the chairs, and asks Baekhyun whether he’d like to take a shower first, or second.

“I don’t mind going second,” Baekhyun tells him. He’s still adjusting to the change in time and temperature. Ten is doing so much better than him with both. He even manages to give him a smile before he darts for the bathroom.

Ten doesn’t seem to care about any of it, it’s a normal for him. Sharing a bed? Sure. There’s no reason for it to be abnormal. It’s not like he knows exactly what’s going on inside Baekhyun’s head. How would he? Baekhyun hasn’t said anything, and he’s not going to in the future either. If something was really going on, Ten would’ve said something about it by now. Talking about those types of thing is kind of what Ten does. Well, historically speaking, that’s what Ten has done.

Except for the thoughts that are now seeded in his head, everything is normal. Ten takes a shower, then Baekhyun takes a shower, and then they go to bed. And like every time they shared a bed in the past, soon after the lights get turned off, they find their way to each other under the covers.

Don’t panic.

It’s all just the new normal.

* * *

Once he opens the window of reading into Ten’s actions, there’s no closing it. That thing is jammed from not being used for so many years, and sure, he called maintenance, but it’ll be a while before they show up cause the waiting list for fixing hopefulness is really fucking long. He goes about it in a somewhat careful fashion. He starts off by looking into what Taeyong and YangYang mentioned, in his own head trying to prove them that Ten isn’t more touchy with him, but he fails within hours from the moment he begins. They’re at breakfast, and Ten purposely sits down next to him, and touches his knee to Baekhyun’s. Even when one of them shifts, and their knees separate, Ten’s finds its way back to Baek’s. Always keeping contact, always touching, during the entire forty minutes they’re in the hotel restaurant. That is already weird.

During soundcheck it’s slightly different, but basically more of the same. Ten hugs Yukhei, he hangs onto Taemin for a minute, he high-fives Jongin, puts his arms on Taeyong and Mark on each side. But he also holds Baekhyun’s hand as they’re trying some of the slow songs, the levels of their microphones getting adjusted in the background. He puts his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder as they’re standing around and chatting, waiting in between tracks. And Baekhyun wants to write it off as them being in public, and having to act like they’re in love for all the strangers around them, but now he can’t just simply do that. Now he connects it with what Taeyong and YangYang said and it makes fucking sense.

* * *

The comeback show goes exactly like planned. Perfect. Nothing goes wrong. The sound is on point, the visuals are exactly what they had in mind. No one messes up, the mic packs stay attached, no one’s shoelaces get undone. Baekhyun is actually surprised how well it all goes, considering they were getting ready for weeks, compared to the months they’re supposed to take. It’s almost like destiny.

They should do something to celebrate the great outcome, but they’re all so tired and with so many interviews and appearances scheduled for the next day, that decide to reschedule. The final suggestion for a commemoration is the following week, in NYC, after the sales numbers come in and the album starts charting on those scary, serious charts with overall numbers of sales.

“We’ll either drink to celebrate everything, or drink to our failure,” Yukhei says, and both Mark and Taemin nod approval.

NYC it is.

Despite all the nerves and adrenaline, Baekhyun still manages to get some sleep that night. He writes it off mostly as the mixture of jet lag, how draining the day they had was, and how nice and warm Ten’s arms feel wrapped around his body.

* * *

Baekhyun’s English isn’t perfect like Mark’s, but it has improved to the point where he’s able to understand what he’s being asked, and maybe even more importantly than that, he’s able to answer without his answer sounding in such a way that he ends up ashamed of himself. He worked so hard to get to this point because he’s the leader, and he wants to do that to the best of his abilities. He’s proud of how well he speaks and understands the language. But during this interview, he’s frustrated by it. He wishes he didn’t understand what they’re asking him.

It’s not like Baekhyun thought news about him and Ten hasn’t hit the states yet. He knows exactly how fast the internet is and how fast news spreads because of it. He just expected management to make at least some of the questions they’re getting a no-go from the get-go. He gets the congratulations, and the questions about small details about their relationships that they already have figured out answers to. What he doesn’t get are the ‘when did you know’ questions that for Baekhyun tend to end with ‘you were gay’, ‘you wanted to date Ten’, ‘you were in love with Ten’. His real answer to all of those is basically the same, but it doesn’t work here because he isn’t expected to be romantic, or truthful, cause neither of those work with the official story. So he goes for ‘when I was a teenager’, ‘a few months after we met’ and ‘on our first date, which was in the folk museum in Seoul, cause Ten is an artist, but he’s also art’, and the retort to any of his responses is always an aww, before he and Ten exchange knowing smiles.

Taemin’s the first one who notices that something’s up with Baekhyun. Well, something more than what’s usually up with him. He catches him after an interview, when it’s just the two of them, and confronts him about it.

“You should tell management that you don’t enjoy those questions.”

“It’s fine. It’s better that I answer them than Ten.”

“They are bothering you, Baek,” Taemin states the obvious, then waits for a reply. It takes Baekhyun a few moments to build up the courage and tell him exactly what’s going on.

“Not the questions. The answers.”

“Because they’re not the truth?” Taemin asks him, and watches as Baekhyun nods in response, “Would it help you if I asked them, and you answered me truthfully?”

Baekhyun’s too desperate not to agree with the idea.

“It’s worth a shot.”

“When did you know that you’re gay?”

“The day I officially met Ten. He gave me a hug and it awakened something in me.”

Taemin pauses, taking it in.

“When did you know you wanted to date Ten?”

“The day I officially met him. He smiled at me, and that was all I needed.”

Taemin pauses again. He sucks in a breath, concerned eyes focused on Baekhyun’s face. He’s reading his expression.

“Damn Baek. I’m afraid to ask the other one.”

“Do it. It’s helping.”

“When did you know that you’re in love with Ten?”

“The day I met him. We chatted for a bit, and he sounded so smart, and then I saw him dance, and he moved so beautifully.” His voice comes out shaky, almost giving up on him, but it’s only because finally saying it makes him feel like a weight is being lifted off his chest.

And with that sentence, Taemin officially becomes the first person Baekhyun told the truth to outside of his EXO members.

“Poor baby.”

“Thank you. Pity is exactly what I needed.”

“It’s not pity. I get it. You’re supposed to be pretending, when you’re actually in love. And you can’t actually say it.”

“If you think that’s bad, as much as I avoided it, now I’m all in my head about it, cause Taeyong and YangYang said it’s not just me.”

“Well, it could be. They know him even better than we do.”

“But what if they’re wrong?” Baekhyun asks. He’s so anxious about this, and he hadn’t let it out until now. He just trusts that Taemin will do what he normally does and give him advice that is actually decent.

“It’s business as usual then. If you’ve survived with that love for so long, you can survive in the future too.”

Taemin’s right. Of course he is, that’s nothing unusual.

* * *

What Baekhyun doesn’t realize about coming out to Taemin like that, is that now he has another someone who has his back. Three days after the comeback they are set to have a live, and because Taemin now knows after he volunteers to MC the entire thing, he knows exactly what questions to avoid. And that makes the entire thing so much easier to put up with. Especially since Ten is sitting next to him, a hand rubbing up and down his thigh, and Baekhyun has to fight against his instinct to squirm, then laugh like a lunatic because this is turning him kind of on.

“That’s all we’ve been talking about,” Taemin says to the camera, “Yes, they’re really cute. So sweet that we’re all getting cavities. What else do you guys want to know?”

Baekhyun really appreciates Taemin’s effort, he’s doing his best. But Ten has another idea.

“Can I see that?” he asks. They all know better than to bicker about little, insignificant things while they’re on camera, so Taemin nods and passes Ten the tablet he’s been reading the questions off. “I will do a quick fire round of answers, and then Taeyong-hyung and Jongin-hyung are gonna tell a story about what happened to them while we were filming the video. It’s really funny.”

Ten launches into a three minute act of reading a question and immediately answering it, mostly repeating things they have said in the past, and only asking for Baekhyun’s input in the form of a nod or a ‘yes’ a handful of times. Ten still manages not to make any of their friends uncomfortable.

Once Taeyong and Jongin start their story, the conversation stays far away from Baekhyun and Ten. It seems like Ten’s quick round of answer satisfies most viewers, because the chat doesn’t get flooded with those questions for the remainder of the stream.

“You know how we went into the album wanting to make it really equal?” Ten asks him when they’re in bed, and both of them are slowly drifting into sleep.

“Yeah.”

“We should do that about us too. You don’t have to take full responsibility during the interviews. Let me insert myself a little more.”

“I didn’t want you not to be uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable. I do appreciate it though.”

That’s the last thing said between them that night, and it somehow manages to make Baekhyun feel all warm inside.

* * *

They go to number one on the Billboard chart, which shouldn’t have happened. They put Beyonce at number two, which is the absolute last thing they think is going to happen. Beyonce had already done what no one thought would happen by being number one the previous week, so yeah, that shouldn’t have happened whatsoever. No one thought that would happen. They actually felt a little manipulated by the company for scheduling the comeback the same month as so many great artist. So many competitors also. They didn’t think they’d make it like this.

They’re in NYC per schedule, they’re there for more interviews and some late night shows, and as promised, they’re going to celebrate. They let Yukhei and Mark pick the club they go to cause it’s their turn to pick, and they pick well. The place feels secure, it’s not too crowded, but it’s also not empty, and the music is decent.

“To being number one,” Jongin proposes a toast with the first round of shots, and they all raise their glasses to salute. Number motherfucking one. They did exactly what they deemed as impossible just two weeks prior. Baekhyun didn’t want to discourage anyone, so he ended that conversation by making them all promise that despite the odds being stacked against them, they’ll do their absolute best. Turns out, their absolute best did the trick. And it may be just a one week thing, cause they all also know whose comebacks are scheduled for the nearest future, but it’s still such an achievement, and they’re going to revel in it for as long as possible.

Everything about the night is perfect. The conversations and jokes between them, the atmosphere in the club, the closeness between him and Ten and how they’re dancing, the fact that the people around them don’t really seem to care about who they are and they get to be normal for just that night. Baekhyun feels like he’s at an all-time high. Nothing ruins that night. Matter of fact, things only get better.

He’s pouring Ten a drink right before it happens. He passes the glass to him, and it just so happens that as he turns to do it their bodies and faces come really close to each other. Ten initiates the kiss, it all happens so fast as his eyes dart between Baekhyun’s and Baekhyun’s lips, then they linger for a moment that’s long enough for Baekhyun to notice it. Ten kisses him, then pulls away quickly because Baekhyun doesn’t kiss back. He fights against it, he promised him he wouldn’t, and the shock of what’s happening isn’t helpful either. Ten looks at him with a mixture of confusion and fear in the look on his face, eyes occasionally focusing on Baekhyun’s lips again. Ten is downing the shot when Baekhyun realizes that Ten wants to kiss him again, and that single thought is enough for him to lose all control.

Baekhyun goes in for the kiss, his lips acting the exact way he wanted them to just moments prior. Ten doesn’t have any doubt about whether or not he wants it to happen. He kisses back immediately, and Baekhyun’s stomach explodes with butterflies. Cause this right here is the actual thing. It’s not something that’s mandated by management, or done because of cameras. He’s actually kissing Ten.

“Hey! Keep it for the hotel room,” Jongin’s words are what makes them stop. They pull away, both of them with guilty looks on their face, clearing throats and acting as if nothing really happened.

For the rest of the night they act like nothing happened. For Baekhyun it is impossible to do, but Jongin’s right. This entirely new thing between them shouldn’t be figured out in the middle of a club. They have their own hotel room for the sheer purpose of figuring out their own shit.

And that’s where it happens again. Their NYC hotel room is where their usual cuddling turns into open mouth kisses, tongues swirling around each other. It started with Baekhyun taking care of drunk Ten back in Seoul, and this is how it progresses. With their hips rolling together as they kiss some more. He doesn’t know when he falls asleep, but Baekhyun knows that he falls asleep happy.


	8. pisces

Baekhyun panics. It’s not weird, it’s definitely something he has done before, it’s just inconvenient. Because the moment he panics is the exact moment when he wakes up and sees the hickey he left on Ten’s neck, and that’s more than enough to get him out of bed, and then out of the room. His moment of blind panic leads him to Taemin’s hotel room, and he begins knocking a bit too enthusiastically.

“Ah, Byun Baekhyun. To what do I owe the pleasure, my leader,” Baekhyun should laugh. He should see it as the lighthearted joke it is, but instead, what Baekhyun does is remain quiet, his entire body shaking, “Damn Baek. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s going on?”

“I… I gave Ten…”

“An orgasm?” Taemin flashes his smile. This is definitely not the time for that.

“A hickey.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted to happen?” Taemin asks him. The stupidly obvious answer to the question is already helping him calm down.

“I guess. Yeah. Yes.”

“Than what’s the problem? It doesn’t matter if people can see it, everyone thinks you’re dating, anyway. Management will probably thank you for the extra sales that’s going to bring in.”

Baekhyun has absolutely no clue what that means. What does sales have to do with him and Ten?

“What?”

“What. Do you not know?”

“Know what?” he asks again, earning a sigh from Taemin as he starts explaining.

“The entire internet is behind us thanks to you two. I know you have real feelings involved and everything, but thanks to all the fake but maybe real things between you and Ten, people are actually rooting for us. The first openly gay couple in kpop that’s still active is in our group. Back home they might be on the fence, but the Americans have swallowed us right up. They had listening parties, they gifted the album to each other. The fans worked really hard to show us support because of you two.” The more Taemin explains the clearer it becomes for Baekhyun. He had no idea that was happening, but it makes so much sense. “How do you not know this? Have you not been on the internet in the last three months?”

“Longer. I just post and get the fuck off social media.”

“Smart,” Taemin says, waving his pointer at Baekhyun as he says it, “So, why are you panicking, again? Cause Ten kissed you first. And instead of being there when he wakes up, you’re here, talking to me.”

“This is changing us.”

“Yeah. For the better,” Taemin tells him with a whole lot of confidence as he walks away from where they’re standing and walks towards his luggage.

“What if he doesn’t remember last night?”

“He wasn’t that drunk. None of us were.”

“What if I lose him?” Baekhyun finally asks the question that’s been weighing on him for the majority of time now.

“If that happens, then you’ll finally be able to justify all the anxious thoughts. There’s no use of thinking what if, though. It’s a waste of time, you know that.” Taemin reaches into his backpack and pulls out a tube of toothpaste. “Just go back to the room before he wakes up, so it’s not awkward for either of you. Trust Ten. He’s gonna tell you what’s going,” he says, and passes him the toothpaste.

“What’s this?”

“An excuse, in case you need it.”

Baekhyun isn’t sure when it happened, but Taemin has become his gay fairy godmother, and he’s going to take full advantage of that.

* * *

“Hey. You’re back.”

Ten is awake, and up by the time Baekhyun gets back to his and Ten’s hotel room. He’s already picked clothes, and he seems to be getting ready to hit the shower.

“Hey. Yeah. I went to get toothpaste from Taemin-hyung.”

“You could’ve borrowed mine.”

“I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Ten eyes him from head to toe, as if he’s reading through his bullshit.

“You shouldn’t have bothered him. I don’t mind kissing you with bad breath,” Ten smiles at him, and that’s enough for Baekhyun to forget that he was panicking. Somehow, that’s exactly what he needs to hear to ease his racing mind.

“Can I kiss you right now?” he dares ask.

“You better,” Ten tells him. He’s smiling as he leans in. The kiss is nothing like the ones from the previous night, it’s less hungry and much more gentle. It ends, and as he pulls back, Baekhyun notices that Ten’s still smiling. So he smiles back, “I’ll take a shower. We’re meeting everyone for breakfast in twenty minutes, so I’ll be quick.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

Now that Baekhyun got what he’s wanted for so long, he’s not really sure what he’s supposed to do with it. And it seems like it’s not just him. They’re friends are awkward around them as well.

“What’s up with all of you?” Ten is the one that asks the obvious.

“Nothing. We’re just wondering what’s up with you,” Taeyong returns.

“Nothing. We’re normal.”

“You two kissed last night,” Yukhei reminds them.

“We’ve kissed before.”

“Not like that.”

“And how would you know? You don’t watch over me 24/7,” Ten says, then changes the subject, “Can we all be normal and not act like this is a big deal? We have a schedule all day. We’re filming a late night today, we should be talking about that.”

“Okay. Let’s talk about that,” Mark agrees “We’re doing the second by ratings show on the network, but that’s better, cause he’s actually a good interviewer that makes his guests comfortable, and more important than that, he’s not an idiot like the number one ratings host.”

“What?” Baekhyun queries, dumbfounded at Mark’s unusual cockiness.

“I’m just quoting the internet.”

Mark is right though.

They are going to do an interview before performing on the show, and the host whose name Baekhyun tries to remember, but he’s too distracted by Ten who is drawing shapes on his palm, comes into their dressing room to introduce himself. One of the first things he asks is if they would mind if they didn’t talk about the romance in the group during the interview because he knows that everyone asks those questions and he doesn’t want to do make it one of those interviews. He asks them about stories or anecdotes they’d like to share, chats with them for a while. They’re all quite comfortable.

With so many responsibilities, he and Ten don’t really have a chance to discuss what’s happening between them. Baekhyun reminds himself of what Taemin said. Just go with it, and trust Ten.

* * *

Trusting Ten turns out to mean making out in between schedules and before falling asleep, both of them always careful not to take it too far, and it also means not talking about it. Like at all. And Baekhyun’s determined not to do it. His logic is that if there was anything Ten would’ve said it by now. Things are really good right now, and he doesn’t want to ruin things, or risk it at all. They’re good. He wants to keep things as they are, and the way they are right now is working. Why should he fuck a good thing up by getting his five year old feelings in the mix? Especially now that they’ve grown so strong that he can no longer ignore them when it comes time to act.

Instead of saying anything he just gives Ten kisses that are stronger, hungrier, and the hole in his stomach that forms whenever he thinks about how much he loves him goes away.

* * *

They’re in Chicago for a long day of interviews and radio appearances when all the things Baekhyun has been putting off because of schedule catch up to him. Most days he answers the emails that need his immediate attention, and he leaves the rest for the occasional day off. That day off just so happens to be the following day, and it just so happens to be the day after a really tiring one, that also includes too many calls from the company and management. They’re awaiting decisions about demos, asking about certain concepts, offering him a choice of choreographers and directors for the title track video. They’re also asking what the title track will be. Baekhyun has no answers to most of the questions, because frankly, he hasn’t started working on it yet. The last two weeks he’s been on autopilot mostly, going through a never ending stream of interviews, photoshoots, appearances, performances. He’s only felt like himself whenever Ten pays him attention, cause in those moments he’s present and burning the memories into his brain so he can never lose them.

Baekhyun, what’s the title track? Baekhyun which director do you want to work with? Baekhyun, what stylist do you want for this comeback? Baekhyun, here are updated demos, which ones do you want?

“Baekhyun, answer your emails, I keep getting calls from the company about how they’re waiting for your decisions. Take advantage of the day off and finish all of that,” the tour manager calls him out in front of all his members the following morning.

“I’ll get it done,” he promises, mostly to himself. If he says it out loud, then he has to make it happen.

“Do you want company?” Ten asks him, a suggestive look on his face.

“The way you’re saying it sounds more like you’re offering me a distraction,” Baekhyun returns, “As tempting as it sounds, I’ll have to say no to that.”

“How much work do you actually have to do? We all got invited for dinner at Johnny’s parents, will you be able to join us?” Taeyong asks him.

Right. They have normalcy scheduled for later that day. Baekhyun was actually looking forward to it, but now it’s up in the air.

“Hopefully yes. I’m supposed to pick my own demos, get started on the lyrics, and make a whole lot of other decisions today.”

“How many songs are you supposed to record for the album?” Jongin asks. Most of the people around him are expecting the answer as well, and Baekhyun wants to slap his own forehead because it’s so obvious. But he doesn’t want to be too dramatic either. And he’s happy that Ten seems to get it. Taemin gets it too.

“You’re asking me how many songs are going to be on my first full length album that the company has mandated has to be about me and Ten’s relationship so they can market the shit out of it?”

“Yeah,” Jongin confirms.

“Gee, Ten, if only your stage name was also a number.”

“You don’t have to be so sarcastic hyung,” Mark tells him.

“I just expected all of you to be much smarter than that.”

“They’re just tired,” the manager defends them.

Baekhyun can only hope so.

* * *

When Baekhyun had to start picking out demos, he went with the ones that jumped out at him the most. The first round was the easiest to go through because it was obvious. What he had to do now, the short list of just ten songs was the most difficult thing about the entire thing. Because he has to write the lyrics. If he doesn’t write the lyrics for certain demos than they’re automatically out, and there’s no need to keep them.

The rest of the decisions he has an easier time making. After half an hour of brainstorming he has an idea for a concept, he knows what he wants to write about, and he has an idea on how to justify it in front of management, so he just goes for it. He picks two directors that he wants to work with, and he asks that they both submit video scripts once the title track is completed. The stylist and choreographer are a no brainer for him, he goes with people he’s worked with in the past and he knows won’t stifle his ideas. He sends a long paragraph explaining he’ll have the final list of demos in a couple of weeks, cause he wants to draft some lyrics first. When he has the demos, he’ll have the title track too, cause at the moment he doesn’t even know what he wants to record, let alone what song he thinks will represent the album best.

All those emails take him half an hour to send. Then he has to begin the inevitable. Research.

He spends maybe two hours total on Google. Going through WayV lyrics for subtle references, going on silly astrology sites because they claim that his and Ten’s signs are the most compatible out of all the signs in the zodiac, and also why the fuck not. He learns about planets and stars, and English phrases connected to the planets and stars. All of that just makes the concept he had in mind so much clearer. He jots down his notes in a journal he got back in Seoul for this exact purpose, filling in some twenty pages of sloppily written facts and potential lyrics. Armed with all of that knowledge he starts a draft of lyrics for a mid tempo track that he liked even more after he played it for the WayV boys and they agreed with his opinion.

He starts from the beginning. Not the actual beginning, but the beginning of him and Ten as mandated by management. In his mind he goes back to that night, the first time he saw Ten after getting out of the army, and he thinks about the plan he had, what he wanted to say to him, and how none of that happened because all his bottled up feelings came surging back like coke in all those videos where people drop a mint in it. How he got so nervous because of them, then drunk to numb them out, and how he then spoke out of turn because of everything coming together in the perfect shit show package. He writes about that. The missed opportunity. The melancholy he felt afterward. And he wraps it all so nicely in a reference to the brightest star in the Pisces constellation.

He goal for the day was to write lyrics for at least one song. He ends it with a completed goal, as well as ideas for the rest.

He calls the day a success and manages to do it all in time to join everyone for dinner.

* * *

“Did you have a productive day?” Ten queries. It’s just the two of them in the hotel elevator, on their way back to their room. There’s something in the atmosphere between them tonight. Baekhyun isn’t sure what it is, because it seems normal, but it’s tense. Ten’s standing a bit too close, like he’s been doing ever since they kissed back in New York, he has his hand in Baekhyun’s with fingers intertwined, just like he’s been doing for months, but it still feels different. Something’s up. Baekhyun just doesn’t know what yet.

“Yeah. I got a lot done. More than I expected to, if I’m honest.”

“When do you start recording?”

“When we get back. The week after.”

“Cool.”

“What did you do today?”

“Went shopping with Taemin-hyung. I needed some things, and he’s much more knowledgeable than me.”

“Did you get what you need?”

“What we need. Yes.”

Ten clears things up with that, and his statement makes Baekhyun almost choke on nothing but air. Holy fucking shit. Ten thought about that? Baekhyun tried so much not to take things too far so quickly, not wanting to scare Ten away. He didn’t think they were there yet. But it seems like Ten thought otherwise.

“Oh. I see.”

“We don’t have to do anything. Honestly, seeing you blush right is enough to hold me over for a while.”

“I want to do whatever you want to do.”

“Okay. Maybe not today. We’re both too tired.”

“Yeah. You’re right.”

Ten looks at him, and it seems like he looks right through him at that same. Baekhyun is so excited about this now, that he cannot really think about anything else.

“You’re really cute when you’re flustered. Too bad, you’re going to have to wait a few days.”

“You’re an evil genius.”

“Yeah. Everyone knows that,” Ten nods, a cheeky smirk lining his lips.

They exit the elevator and they’re almost at their hotel room door when Baekhyun sighs and says.

“Ah, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul. You’re gonna be the death of me.”

Ten stops dead in his tracks, and that makes Baekhyun stop as well.

“You said it correctly,” Ten notes. He’s seriously surprised, which Baekhyun takes as the perfect opportunity to tease Ten.

“Yeah, of course. Is it, like, hard?”

“Ah, Byun Baekhyun. You’re gonna be the death of me too,” Ten returns, shaking his head with a smile on his face.

* * *

What that conversation leads them to is constant teasing. It’s not exactly a game, but they sure are playing something. The kisses are hungrier, their make outs longer and much more passionate. Some nights they’re downright needy, and still they’re not going there.

It’s maybe a week later, after the first concert on the tour, that they move onto what they’ve been building up to since the conversation. Baekhyun’s giddy with excitement. He’s always giddy when he’s around Ten, but now he seems to be giddier than normal. He knows where the touches lead, what the goal of the night is. He knows, but still, the anticipation of things actually happening makes it so much better. The adrenaline from the successful concert is only aiding those positive feelings.

Thanks to Ten they are prepared to take the next step. They undress each other slowly, warm breaths teasing against skin, making it so hot, the air so heavy. Baekhyun takes a moment to look at Ten’s naked body in front of him, carefully examining and memorizing every inch. So hot. So perfect.

Moments later, Ten is leaving a trail of kisses down Baekhyun’s body, focusing on the sensitive parts he comes across in the process, licking and sucking on them, making Baekhyun gasp or forgetting how to breath when he does. The other thing Ten is doing is taking his sweet time with things, and Baekhyun’s becoming more impatient by the moment.

“Don’t be such a tease.”

“You’re so eager today.”

“Just touch me. Please.”

“Like this?” Ten asks, his hand trailing up the inside of Baekhyun’s thigh, starting at his knee. Evil genius, for sure.

Baekhyun squirms when Ten finally touches him, wrapping a hand around him gently before moving his hand up and down his length and Baekhyun seconds it with a moan.

“Fuck.”

“Very responsive. Is it exactly like you’ve been imagining it all week long?”

“Better,” Baekhyun admits, seconding it with a groan. It just feels so good.

“Better? You must have underestimated me, Baek.”

“Ten…” Baekhyun whines the name out.

“What baby?” Ten teases him again.

“I’m hard enough without you doing that.”

“I know. I’m just waiting for you to tell me what you want?”

“I want to fuck you.”

“Do it then. I know I’m really hot, but don’t just sit back and enjoy the show.”

Cheeky fucker.

The permission has Baekhyun jumping into a sitting position, then pulling Ten nearer to him. He kisses him on the mouth an unspoken promise that he’ll make him feel as good as he possibly can. Baekhyun maneuvers them so Ten is the one lying on his back, and Baekhyun towers over him. After he sits back on his heels, he takes the bottle of lube Ten so kindly supplied, and he squirts some on his fingers. Ten brings his legs up, with a hand on each knee he gives Baekhyun access. Baekhyun slicks up Ten’s entrance before he pushes the first finger in, and Ten’s breathing hitches at the contact.

“You okay?”

“Yep. I’m just excited. It’s just been a while.”

“I’ll go slow.”

“If you go slow you won’t have another go,” Ten hisses out the words.

“Now who’s eager?”

“Second finger Baek.”

“You’re too bossy,” Baekhyun tells him before he slides his middle finger out so he can add his pointer on the next push. When Baekhyun finally has both fingers in, Ten shuts his eyes, anticipating the moment when Baekhyun will brush against his prostate. It gives Baekhyun a sense of achievement when he does it, the light brush of the fingers resulting in a whimper ripping from Ten’s throat.

“Third, Baekhyun.”

“Calm down love. We have all night.”

“ _You_ don’t,” Ten tells him, propping himself up on his elbows. The serious look on his face has Baekhyun promptly working a third finger in, moving them gently in circles so he can spread Ten’s opening better, brushing against Ten’s prostate on occasion, so they don’t lose the momentum. Ten is impatient. Moments later he’s already ready to move onto the last step. “Come on, get in me.”

“Very romantic.”

“I’ll wine and dine you next time,” Ten winks with a smile on his face, “Just get in me.”

Baekhyun can’t resist the temptation to make the next move. He pulls out his fingers, uses the same hand and an extra squirt of lube to slick himself up before he towers over Ten, propping himself on one hand, using the other to line up his cock with Ten’s opening. He pushes in slowly, and as he does Ten’s hands find their way to his face, cupping his cheeks. Baekhyun’s now balancing himself on both hands, arms extended on each side of Ten’s head, while Ten’s holding his face, keeping eye contact. When Baekhyun bottoms out Ten makes a strangled noise, eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds, and it’s all so sexy that Baekhyun needs to pause. Ten raises his head and pulls Baekhyun slightly down, meeting him up for a kiss.

Ten is impatient again, wrapping his legs around Baekhyun, the heels digging into his ass making him move even deeper. Ten moans into Baekhyun’s mouth, and Baekhyun follows with his own moan straight after. It’s all so hot, so exciting. It feels so good. And at the same time, Baekhyun can’t believe it’s happening. Ten still keeps the eye contact as Baekhyun starts moving, leaving Ten in control of every thrust in.

It’s not long before Ten gets bored of the position.

“I wanna ride you,” he tells Baekhyun who nods in response.

Baekhyun pulls out completely, falling on the bed next to Ten. He props his head up on the nearest pillow, wanting to see everything, this isn’t an event he wants to miss. Ten riding him? That’s something straight out of a dream.

Ten is quick with moving on top and straddling him. Baekhyun’s already on the verge of losing it, simply because of the sight of Ten slowly sinking down his length. Ten sits still for a moment, adjusting to how deep Baekhyun is in this position. They’re both trying to catch their breaths, too wrapped up in the heat of the moment. They both know this isn’t going to last much longer. And seeing Ten being in the same headspace as him brings Baekhyun even closer.

Ten loses his pace soon after he sets it, starting to clench around Baekhyun. The grunts and moans ripping from his and Ten’s throats sounding like the best music Baekhyun’s ever heard.

“I’m close,” Baekhyun warns.

“Me too. Together?”

“Together,” he confirms.

They both come moments later, Baekhyun’s world shuttering as Ten stills, fully seated onto Baekhyun’s length and comes untouched. He cannot believe the sight, he cannot believe how good it felt - it feels - and how good he made Ten feel.

Ten collapses on top of him, smearing the mess between them. Baekhyun finds that even hotter than he should. They lie like that until their breathing steadies, so Baekhyun takes advantage of the opportunity, wrapping both arms around Ten, taking in the moment.

Everything about the night has been fucking perfect.

* * *

The first time opens a gate that they can’t seem to close. Baekhyun’s loving how well he gets to know Ten’s body, he learns what makes him tick and where his buttons are, and exactly how he likes them pushed.

It brings their relationship to a whole new level. They stick together a whole lot more. It’s almost like they’re back in Seoul, just spending time together without there being much to it. Ten likes to draw while Baekhyun’s on the opposite end of the hotel room, writing lyrics to fit the demos he has yet to complete. It’s calm, and lovely. Their eyes meeting on occasion and them exchanging a smile also makes it exciting.

They sometimes talk about what’s going on, and things one of them might have missed. Ten shows him what he’s drawn sometimes. Baekhyun doesn’t share any lyrics cause he’s a bit insecure, and Ten gets it. It should be done and perfect. Baekhyun should be confident in it, and Ten promises he’ll wait until the album’s done to hear the songs.

They go out of their way for one thing only. Not isolating themselves so much from the rest of the group. They go out of their way to spend time with everyone together, as well as on their own. They don’t want to be the annoying people who ditch their friends cause they’re dating someone now.

It’s a relationship. The relationship he wanted. It’s just not exactly how he thought it would be.

Because sometimes, Ten seems distracted. Like he’s there and somewhere else at the same time. And Baekhyun wonders where and when. But more than that, he wonders why.

He doesn’t like to feel as helpless as Ten’s daydreams make him feel.

* * *

The one thing Baekhyun has always battled against is the feeling of impending doom he has. Whenever things are going slightly too good is when that feeling is the strongest. And things have been going great so far. So he needs to actively remind himself not to panic, or let it stop him. He reminds himself of what Taemin said. He’s always going to find something that’ll justify his anxious thoughts. In the meantime, he just needs to trust Ten.

Everything will be okay. He needs to believe it to make it happen.


	9. loser

Baekhyun despises the fact that they’re no longer on tour.

The moment they land in Seoul for their last show on the tour he’s already missing Ten, despite the fact that Ten is actually right next to him, holding his hand. What Baekhyun dreads more than all is being so close to the company. PR has a say in this again. There are a shit load of photographers at the airport, way more than there were in the US and Europe. Almost none at Europe. Baekhyun misses Europe.

They drop Ten off at the WayV dorms, and Baekhyun goes back to his own house. He fucking hates it. It’s stupid how much he needs to be around Ten now. Ten’s like a drug to him. He tried it once, now he’s hooked for life.

So he calls him. He’s still fully dressed, his suitcase long forgotten in the hallway though he left it there just a moment prior. But Ten doesn’t answer.

_Hey. I was just calling to say I got home safe and to ask how it feels to be back home.  
Text me if you can._

Ten doesn’t text back. Even though he reads the message just minutes later.

Even though Baekhyun tries to do his best and uses all the reaffirmations that have been working for him to stop himself from going into crisis mode, he can’t deny the fact that that what he’s getting now are signals that are mixed as fuck. They were fine the day before. But ever since Ten went back into the WayV dorms, it’s been radio silence.

Hours later, when they get to the arena for the soundcheck Ten gives him a smile and says he’s sorry he forgot to text him back. But Baekhyun still feels like Ten is being distant.

He looks over at Taemin who gives him a soothing smile. Trust Ten, that’s what he needs to do. But that sentence isn’t helping him to quit panicking.

* * *

When all of his usual distractions fail him, Baekhyun has a crazy idea. Well, maybe not _that_ crazy. There is only one thing that works like a charm every time and that thing is getting drunk. So he texts his number one drinking buddy.

_Can you come over and help me get drunk?_

_Can I also get drunk with you?_

Yeah, that’s kind of the point, Baekhyun wants to say. But he decides to play nice in the end. Well, not exactly nice. Rather nicer than he first instinct instructed him to.

_Can someone actually stop you from drinking?_

_Nah, never.  
Just me?  
Or do you want more company?_

_Tell anyone else about tonight and you’re dead to me._

_Sounds like a challenge._

Sehun shows up with far too much booze, bless his soul. Baekhyun orders some food, and they sit down on the floor, downing the shots they keep pouring each other, watching a football match with the TV on mute.

They’re a few bottles of soju in when the subject is brought up. And just as Baekhyun was starting to feel numb.

“Love trouble?” Sehun asks him.

He’d be willing to, at any given moment, but not right now. Now he wants to forget. He doesn’t have any answers, and he hates that that’s the case, so he doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Do we have to talk about it?”

“Yeah. It’s the price you need to pay. Think of it as my appearance fee,” Sehun smiles, proud at his remark.

“I should’ve called Chanyeol,” Baekhyun starts thinking out loud, disappointed in himself that he didn’t think of it earlier.

“He would’ve brought less booze and made you talk even more.”

“You’re right. Minseok would’ve been my best choice.”

Or maybe no one. Drinking alone may be really sad, but it’s also an option, and Baekhyun keeps forgetting that. That’s how Sehun ends up with all of his secrets.

“Maybe talking about whatever’s going on will help you figure it out. What’s going on hyung?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun’s voice trails off, so he swallows down the lump that has formed in his throat and brings himself to say it, “Ten is distant.”

“Compared to?”

“We started hooking up. I thought we were actually dating now. I guess I was wrong,” he admits, and is surprised to learn that Sehun doesn’t know. He figured that everyone did, he thought Jongin already told them. But the look on Sehun’s face says otherwise.

“What did you do?” he asks, serious expression on his face.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You must have done something.”

“I don’t know then. I have no idea what I did.”

“Or maybe you didn’t do anything,” Sehun says. Baekhyun gives him a stern ‘shut up’ look, one he’s given the maknae so many times before that it’s a perfected nonverbal communication between them, “I’m just trying to help.”

“Pour me another shot and don’t ask about Ten. That helps.”

“That’s your plan? Alcoholism?”

“Why not? It works for you.”

“It doesn’t work for me,” the response Baekhyun receives adds another worry on his list, but Sehun scrunches his face in disapproval before speaking again, “Don’t do that. Let’s just… let’s find out what we can about what’s going on with Ten.”

“I can’t do that. We were in each other’s face nonstop for weeks. I can’t be overbearing.”

“You’re worried,” Sehun tries to persuade him.

“I am. I’d love it if we were both straightforward about what’s going on. But that’s not the situation. So I’m gonna shut up, I’m gonna try on occasion, but overall, I’m gonna do whatever Ten wants me to.”

A silence builds between them, things going back to how they were before Sehun asked about Ten, and Sehun himself is who breaks it.

“I hate it when you’re miserable.”

“I’ll manage. You will too,” he responds, then repeats the sentences a few times in his head. He’s all about speaking things into existence lately.

* * *

Baekhyun has just a week to finish a big portion of his lyrics for the album. And he’s pretty confident with what he has so far, but at the same time, he’s not confident at all, cause the only person who’s seen what he’s written is him. He needs someone to go over what he’s written, someone who’s potentially not best friends with Ten, but at the same time, someone who knows English better than Baekhyun.

He has a long hard think over who he can trust with the task. His choice ends up being slightly unusual, but he’s pretty confident it’s the right one.

“Hey hyung. What brings you by?” Mark asks. Baekhyun’s waiting in front of the NCT rehearsal space, and Mark is the first one to exit. Followed shortly by Taeyong himself, who offers another question.

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I just need to speak to one of yours,” Baekhyun responds. He waves and nods hellos to the members who slowly exit the rehearsal room, his eyes out for a specific member.

“Who do you need to speak to?” Taeyong asks again.

“Jaehyun.”

“Jaehyun? Why?” Mark questions.

“Reasons,” Baekhyun smiles at him, and it’s enough to stop the questions.

“He should be right out,” Taeyong tells him, then sprints to the rehearsal room door, and calls after him, “Jae, hurry up. Baekhyun-hyung needs to speak to you.”

Baekhyun attempts to stand still as he waits for Jaehyun along with Mark and Taeyong, but hes growing restless. He’s nervous. What he’s about to ask isn’t just anything. It’s not simple at all.

Jaehyun exits through the rehearsal door soon after, and it’s the now or never moment. He’s gone too far to take it back now.

“You asked for me hyung?”

“I did,” Baekhyun says. He waits until Taeyong and Mark walk away far enough that they won’t hear, “I need a favor.”

“Sure. What can I do for you?”

“I know you speak English really well, and I’ve been writing all these lyrics in English, so I was wondering if you can look through them. I don’t want them to sound odd, or stupid. I can’t go to my English tutor cause this is personal. And I’m supposed to start recording on Monday.”

“Yeah, no problem. Just… I’m wondering why you’re asking me and not Mark. Or even Johnny.”

He actually has a really good answer to that, one he’s proud of.

“Last time I told Johnny something, Sehun knew about it ten minutes later. And Mark can’t keep anything secret for the life of him. I need this to be secret. Taeyong might have mentioned you’re good with keeping secrets like a hundred times in just the last two months.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

“When are you free?”

“Every evening after five.”

“Great,” Baekhyun says, and he follows his statement with a quick suggestion of a time and place. Within moments a meeting is set for later that day.

He’s scared to open up, but excited to finally do it, and get the scary part over with. He’s excited to know too.

* * *

He and Jaehyun meet at a cafe near the NCT dorms. Baekhyun hands over his finished drafts, and his stomach is immediately in knots. He watches as Jaehyun reads everything over carefully. He keeps silent, which Baekhyun was hoping wouldn’t be the case, but he can’t complain too much. This way he can lie to himself that there aren’t any mistakes.

“So?” he asks when Jaehyun looks up.

“There are only a few phrases that don’t exactly translate, but those are easy fixes.”

“Okay. Can you walk me through each one of them, please.”

“Sure,” Jaehyun nods, turning the page of Baekhyun’s diary to the first song. He’s about to start showing Baekhyun his mistakes, but he stops himself to say something else, “But before that. I hope I’m not overstepping the boundaries when I say this…”

“Say what?”

“You should tell him about the songs before the album’s released.”

“Eh?”

“I’ve known Ten for a really long time. I can’t say I know what’s going on between you two, but if these are the lyrics for your album, and if they are true, then you should tell him hyung, before it’s released. He doesn’t like when things happen behind his back. He wouldn’t like it if this gets out without him knowing about it. Especially since we all know what’s supposed to happen in January, beside your comeback,” Jaehyun says, “I won’t tell though, don’t worry.”

“I will keep that in mind. Thank you, Jaehyun.”

“No problem.”

The statement doesn’t sit so well with Baekhyun. He’s been pretty observant with what Ten’s been up to, what he’s been saying, and how he’s been acting. If he comes clean about his feelings before they’re supposed to break up, he’s gonna ruin it. Ten won’t speak to him at all, even though they’ll have to be around each other for the final round of pap walks and not so secret outings.

If he keeps it a secret until after the break up, he’ll have a bigger chance of smoothing things over.

* * *

By the time Monday comes, and Baekhyun gets into the studio to start recording, he knows damn well what he wants from the album. He knows what the title track is going to be. And that’s the one he records first.

It takes him and the producer three days of recording and mixing to get a result that Baekhyun is happy with, but once he gets there, he’s over the moon.

The producer burns him a copy of the finished mix on a CD and he plays it for himself on his ride back home. Songs always sound better on full blast in the car.

When he arrives back home Baekhyun sees the photographers, and it dawns on him. He parks in the yard, closing the gate behind and he sees that Ten’s waiting for him, sitting on the stairs in front of the door. It’s the first time he’s seeing him since the concert, first time after days of unanswered texts and radio silence. Shit. He was so wrapped up in the studio that he forgot about the schedule.

“I’m sorry. I got held up at the studio.”

“I understand,” Ten gives him a soothing smile as he stands up.

“I’m really sorry Ten.”

“It’s fine. The weather was nice, so I drew your tree. And I’ve only been here for half an hour,” Ten speaks, not a hint of a single care in his voice, “Besides, they’re gonna think we live together. Imagine twitter in a few hours.”

“Yeah. You’re right.”

“If you’re in the studio so much you might as well give me your lock code, in case this happens next time.”

Baekhyun swallows. He dreaded this moment, but he dreaded changing his code even more. There’s no reason for him not to say it. So many people already know it.

“Sure. 960227.” As he speaks, he punches in the number with Ten watching next to him, in a way proving that it works.

“Byun Baekhyun. You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“Nothing I haven’t heard before,” he smiles back.

It feels normal. Everything about that night seems like there hasn’t been anything weird happening in the meantime. Like they haven’t lost touch.

Baekhyun allows himself to forget that things haven’t been okay before that night. He allows himself to enjoy the night, cause he is afraid that he’s not going to get a night like that again.

* * *

“That’s what you want as a title track?” the manager asks. Baekhyun was so clear with his statement that he doesn’t understand why the manager is confused.

“Yes. That’s the song.”

“You want to call the album ‘Loser’?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun uses the same, somewhat annoyed tone of voice. That’s also something he made overly clear.

“You can’t do that,” one of the PR people says to him.

“Why not?”

“It’s self-deprecating.”

Baekhyun thought that he also made that part clear, but apparently he has to draw it out for these people.

“Exactly. That’s the point.”

“We can’t market that. We can’t market any of this.”

It’s not like Baekhyun didn’t expect there to be pushback, but he had it figured out. He laid it out so perfectly for them all. He’s more annoyed at them confirming details he already went over.

“Yes, you can.”

“How? You’re happy and in love in front of the world, but this album is sad and confused. And this album that was supposed to be about you in a happy relationship, you don’t mention that anywhere.”

“Yeah. That’s the point. The lead up to the happy is sad and confused. So strongly in love that it hurts, and we’re not even dating yet.”

The manager pinches the bridge of his nose, and he attempts once more to reason with Baekhyun. He’s not going to give in though.

“That’s what you want us to do? To market this concept album as the story of what you and Ten did before you started dating?”

“That’s exactly what I want. Yes.”

“It’s not going to work.”

Baekhyun actually rolls his eyes at that.

“I don’t care. It’s my album. I’m in charge of it.”

With Baekhyun’s assertiveness on the matter the tension in the room finally defuses.

“Okay. Fine. Loser is the title track. I’m sending it to the directors so they can write scripts. I’ll update you on details. I’ll schedule everything. Keep an eye on your schedule. I’ll work in the changes in Ten’s schedule too.”

“Thank you.”

As he leaves the company he texts Ten that he had a meeting and there will be changes. He doesn’t receive a response. But by now, he’s kind of used to this happening. It confuses him, how Ten can be so hot and so cold. He frankly has no idea what to do with those mixed signals that he keeps receiving.

* * *

The new schedule gets sent to them with an accompanying message informing them that the seeding of the breakup has started.

_Please refrain from spending time together outside of this schedule, as there are more photographers following both of you, and we need to make the impending breakup much more believable._

It gives him a sinking feeling. He realizes what follows and that thing that follows is doom. Whatever closeness he and Ten have is going to be taken away from him.

Baekhyun tries to move on from it. He realizes only then that whatever this thing between him and Ten was in the meantime, it was a spur of the moment thing. He should be thankful for it, but he shouldn’t hold onto it for dear life. Cause it’s going to end. It’s already ending.

As soon as Baekhyun makes that clear in his mind, trying to get to terms with it, he hears his front door unlocking. It’s maybe two in the morning, and he’s not expecting anyone, so he’s taken aback by it. It could be an intruder that’s trying to guess his passcode. Or a sasaeng. He has a baseball bat stashed in the hallway closet for situations like that one.

His door unlocks as soon as he prepares himself to take a swing at whoever it is. But he waits, just in case it’s someone he knows. It’s lucky that he does wait. Because it’s Ten.

“What are you doing?” Ten asks, the words leaving his lips quickly. He seconds it with a hand on his chest, as if he’s trying to keep his heart from jumping out.

“You scared me. I thought you were an intruder.”

“I was going to call. But I thought you were asleep. Why are you still up?”

“I was preparing for tomorrow. Going over the lyrics again. Why are you still up? Why are you here? Did you forget something?”

“No… I… I couldn’t sleep. So I went for a walk. One thing lead to another, and I found myself closer to your place than mine. Do you mind if I sleep over?”

“Not at all.”

“I won’t bother you… I just.”

“You’re welcome to stay. I don’t mind you being here at all. You don’t have to apologize.”

“You were working.”

“I was spiraling cause I’m nervous for tomorrow.” And cause of that email we both got, Baekhyun thinks to himself, but he doesn’t dare say. Cause if Ten confirms that the same worry is what brought him here, Baekhyun will only hurt more.

“Why are you nervous?”

“It’s just that I’ve never had this much control over my releases and I’m afraid that I’m fucking it up the entire time.”

“So what? If it comes from the heart, that’s all it matters. We learn from mistakes Baek, if you don’t make any, when will you learn.”

“And if it sucks? If it’s just noise.”

Ten stops, looks at him for a moment before he responds.

“All NCT title tracks are noise. All SuperM title tracks are noise. And they all do better than most the well composed shit.”

“You’re right.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. Do your best. Your best has been working so far.”

“Thank you.”

“No worries. I’m going to bed now, cause all this being nice really drained me. The fact that you doubt yourself is frankly idiotic,” Ten says with a smile. Baekhyun knows this side of Ten most of all, and he finds it adorable that Ten would even consider putting on a soft attitude for him.

Ten walks towards the bedrooms, letting Baekhyun deal with his emotions. Refrain from spending time together outside of the schedule was taken seriously for a total of seven hours before it was thrown out like the useless suggestion that it is. To Baekhyun it appears as though Ten is rebelling against what they’ve been told. He tries not to think too much of it, and fails immediately. Even if he didn’t read into it before, he has incentive to do so the moment he goes to his room to get ready for sleep, and realizes that Ten is already asleep in his bed.

What they have is unclear, and confusing, but at least Baekhyun has a cuddle buddy for the night, and he can savour before Ten realizes he doesn’t have an obligation to be here.

* * *

Ten keeps rebelling and surprising Baekhyun.

He shows up to a photoshoot, then a fitting. He shows up to Baekhyun’s hair appointment, keeping him company throughout all the boring activities. Baekhyun doesn’t hate it. He loves that he has Ten there to make all of that much more fun. He loves how flustered everyone around them gets too, the sheer influence of them being in a relationship is something Baekhyun’s going to miss.

He doesn’t hate it. But he’s confused. The less it’s supposed to happen, the more it’s actually happening. Baekhyun doesn’t get why Ten would put himself in a position of potentially getting scolded just to see Baekhyun. Or maybe it’s so he can be seen with Baekhyun. Baek can’t actually tell what’s up.


	10. power of the winner

His last visit to the WayV dorms is bittersweet. He got used to staying there, he got a bit attached to spending time with the boys, and he got attached to their pets.

He seems to be the only one that realizes it’s his last time though, cause to the rest of the boys, it’s all normal. The boys have plans, just more of what they usually do, and as usual, it all includes Baekhyun. What sucks about the evening of fun with the boys is that, in between all the fun activities, Baekhyun gets to go back to the room and pack the things he had left behind. It’s something that he can suffer with on his own, it brings him back to earth every time he forgets that it’s almost at the end.

That’s until Ten comes into the room and realizes what’s happening.

“You already started packing?”

“I have to be in the studio at seven. I didn’t want to do it so early.”

“Cause God forbid you forget something and have to come here again.” Ten sounds angry when he speaks, venom in his tone that Baekhyun hasn’t heard before. It scares him.

“That’s not why I’m doing this,” he tries, but he doesn’t achieve anything with his attempt.

“I don’t want to hear it Baek.”

Ten walks away, leaving Baekhyun to wonder if this is a fight for a few moments. Are they fighting? What’s going on?

He’s about to follow Ten to clear the entire thing up, but as soon as he hears Ten slam his dorm door, Baekhyun knows it’s better to let him cool off for a bit. He wants to talk to Ten, but he doesn’t want him and Ten to get in a screaming match with each other. He doesn’t even know what they’re going to be yelling about.

Baekhyun hangs back for about two minutes. That’s all the time he can allow himself without going to the door across the hall.

He stops before knocking, something in his body tells him to. He doesn’t know exactly what to say, and that scares him so much that he can’t move at all.

It’s then that he hears voices from inside the room and he realizes that Ten is not alone inside.

“What’s going on with you and Baekhyun-hyung?” YangYang asks.

“Nothing. We’re just hooking up.”

“Nothing?”

The question is followed by a silence that breaks Baekhyun’s heart. So he walks away from the situation before he hears the rest of the conversation, needing to get away from the room, maybe even the building.

He stumbles onto Sicheng as he’s going down the stairs, and he gets invited to go out for coffee, to which he gladly agrees. He needs a distraction like that, and what he learned about Sicheng’s in the last few months is that he’s always able to offer a distraction.

What he doesn’t know is that walking away is a huge mistake. Because he walks away he doesn’t hear Ten talk about how much he wishes that there was more, but he feels like Baekhyun’s holding him at arm’s length for the majority of the time because he doesn’t talk to him about what he wants. He doesn’t talk about what he wants from the relationship either.

* * *

He is alone that night, and knows that this isn’t fixable. What he was most afraid of has happened. And he feels powerless because of it.

He barely gets any sleep, his mind racing. Ten packed his things. Why is he angry that Baekhyun did the same?

* * *

There are only a handful of songs for Baekhyun to record, and lucky for him, he has a chance to change some of the lyrics to reflect exactly what he wants to say.

_Hi Jaehyun. I rewrote some lyrics. Would you mind meeting with me once more to go over them?_

_Not at all hyung. Same place same time tonight?_

_That works.  
Thank you so much._

God bless Jung Jaehyun and his coffee addiction, cause it makes him easy to bribe. And Baekhyun can really use his help with this.

Jaehyun doesn’t ask what happened between him and Ten, but he notices that change of tone in the lyrics, and he tells him that.

“They’re very different, hyung.”

“How about mistakes?”

“Just this one. This right here. The word should be maintenance, but I’m not sure if it works with the music.”

“I’ll make it work.”

* * *

Junmyeon calls in an emergency EXO meeting that none of them actually know what it’s about because they have months before a group comeback. Sitting around his apartment, they’re all more than slightly confused.

It all becomes clear once Junmyeon announces his big news.

“We bought the company. It’s becoming official in a couple of weeks, and we’re fully taking over in about two months, but the deal has been made. We bought it.”

There’s quite a few things to unpack there. Luckily for Baekhyun, others have the same questions.

“Now, when you say we, who are you talking about?” Jongdae asks.

“Me and Chenle.”

“Chenle? NCT Dream Chenle?” Jongin queries. Makes sense that he’s the one to connect those dots.

“Yeah,” Junmyeon seconds it with a nod.

“Wasn’t the point that you didn’t want to answer to anyone?” Kyungsoo asks then.

“I’m not going to. I’m majority shareholder. But I’ve also been talking to him and getting to know him for the last year, he’s a great guy and we made a deal that we won’t veto each other’s projects.”

“You said you were going to wait until next year.”

“I did. But with how things were progressing, and all the mistreatment, I had to act faster than I initially wanted,” Junmyeon explains, “I know things are changing and it sound scary. I’m fucking terrified, and I’m gonna need your support. First, we’re tackling the sasaeng problem properly. Then everyone gets what they want. We actually promote our artists. And we don’t overwork anyone. I think that we can do a good job and not fuck anyone over in the process.”

“Can I get a solo album?” Kyungsoo speaks up again.

“Yeah.”

“Me too. Not just a station to shut me up,” Minseok pipes up next.

“Sure.”

“Can we send Sehun to rehab now?” Chanyeol questions, it being a joke written all over his face. He’s trying to lighten up the mood, everyone got too serious once the news dropped.

“Hey!” Sehun protests, “If it gets out of control, put me in rehab. But all of you call me whenever you need someone to drink, so all of you are part of the problem.”

“Sure we are,” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at him.

“You know what everyone in the company needs? A fucking break,” Jongdae states, and everyone in the room mutters an agreement.

There’s a pause then. Baekhyun’s been quiet the entire time, but this silence allows him to ask what he wants to know.

“What about you?”

“What do you mean?” Junmyeon ask back.

“We are all getting what we want out of our careers, but are you?”

Junmyeon smiles before he answers.

“This is what my ultimate goal was for so long. It’s exactly what I wanted.”

“Congratulations are in order then.” Jongdae stands up after he says it, wanting to congratulate him properly. Other members follow.

“Yeah. We should celebrate. Come on. We’re taking you out,” Chanyeol suggests, and it seems like almost everyone is up for it.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. The state that Baek’s in, he might get drunk and say something else now. And I’ll have to deal with that fall out,” Junmyeon says, redirecting everyone’s attention onto Baekhyun.

“What’s going on? Was Ten only able to go for one round today?” Jongin asks him jokingly, but with everything going on, his attitude rubs Baekhyun the wrong way.

“What?” He isn’t sure who says it, but he is sure that most of the members seem lost, like they have no idea what’s going on.

“Jongin,” to everyone’s further surprise, it’s Sehun that issues the warning.

“Seriously. What’s up?” Jongdae insists, not minding the stern look Sehun is giving everyone.

“It’s nothing. What I thought was something is nothing. I heard it with my own ears. So it’s nothing.”

“That doesn’t seem right,” Jongin disagrees, while everyone turns to Sehun.

“Why are you all looking at me now?”

“You have all the insider information. Spill it,” Kyungsoo orders.

“I don’t have any information.”

“Then find out.”

“Stop. It’s nothing. It’s on me for believing for a second that it was more than nothing, and getting my hopes up. Let me die on the hill of nothing, cause that’s the only way I can get myself through this.”

“It’s nothing then,” Chanyeol nods, waiting until everyone agrees with him.

“Thank you,” Baekhyun responds, swallowing his anger, “We should go drink. I promise I won’t cause another scandal.”

Thanks to his friends, he gets to numb his sadness again that night. Having said what he said, he feels slightly better.

He realizes he’s always going to have his friends to lean on when his heart inevitably breaks.

* * *

Baekhyun has no other choice but to put all his effort and energy into finishing the album. He sticks himself in a loop of studio time, rehearsal, and then going to bed, and he only answers calls from his family, and friends he knows he can’t avoid.

He does this for two weeks straight. And the only reason he breaks his own cycle is because the album inevitably gets done, and he has to then leave town to film the video.

He doesn’t hear from Ten. He hasn’t heard from Ten in so long, that he’s afraid he’s going to forget everything. He’s afraid he’s going to forget Ten, and what they did, but he can’t dwell on it for too long. Because it was nothing after all. He can’t be afraid for too long because he gets angry, and then he gets sad. He hates having that feeling, and the fact that he has so much work to do while feeling that way isn’t helping him.

He picked the video script that fit his concept more. Baekhyun was aiming for melancholy with all his songs, so the more melancholic of a video, the better. But filming that, on top of everything that is going on, isn’t helping him at all. It only makes him feel worse. He’s feeling so many negative emotions at the same time that it’s almost like he’s numb. He wishes though, being numb would be so nice while he’s trying to get things done.

* * *

Once the album is off to the printing presses, and the video is off to editing, along with all the promo materials, there’s really nothing much for Baekhyun to do beside sit around the house and wallow in his own misery. That’s when everything hits him. All the emotions he swallowed in the past few weeks, hell, years, they all come rushing back. He feels the same way he did his first month in the army, when all he felt was regret that he couldn’t be honest with Ten.

He finds himself drifting towards the guest room more and more. In the moments when he misses him most he’s there because the room reminds him of Ten so much that he’d swear it smells like him. On one of those visits is when he finds them. As he sits down on the bed, preparing to roll onto the bed in attempt to feel close to Ten, he looks over at the nightstand and sees that the drawer is slightly ajar. He hadn’t noticed it before.

He finds a journal inside which he isn’t sure if he should open or not at first. But when he finally opens it, he realizes that he was meant to find it and see what’s inside. It’s Ten’s drawings.

Ten’s drawings of his face.

He needs to be honest. Come clean about everything and put it all on the table. That way he’ll know once and for all.

He decides. That’s what he’s going to do the next time he sees Ten.

Because maybe it wasn’t nothing. Maybe nothing was the heat of the moment. A nothing Baekhyun misunderstood.

* * *

“Album listening party!” Chanyeol and Sehun are celebrating the moment they step inside Baekhyun’s place, to his and everyone else’s annoyance.

“Okay, they’re here. Can we start now?”

Kyungsoo’s been impatient for a while now, and it surprises no one. On the other hand, Chanyeol has a habit of being late.

“Not yet,” Sehun answers before Baekhyun can say the complete opposite.

“Why not?”

“The bread I ordered isn’t here yet.”

“Why did you order bread? We already have enough food,” Baekhyun says, taking over the conversation.

“It’s important that we have bread for occasions like this one.”

“What bakery did you order bread from?”

“You know damn well what bakery I ordered bread from.”

“They don’t deliver.”

“They don’t.”

“What did you do now, Oh Sehun?” Minseok then asks.

“I invited the WayV boys to listen to the album with us? It was his idea,” Sehun says, innocently pointing at Chanyeol.

“Why?”

“How else were we supposed to get Ten here?” Chanyeol defends himself and in the end it seems as though Baek’s the only one that finds fault in what’s happening.

“Good point,” Jongdae agrees.

“Have all of you gone insane while I was in the studio?”

“No, but we’re pretty sure you did.”

“I haven’t talked to him in three weeks.”

“You don’t have to talk to him. We’re here to listen to music, we’re not here to talk,” Sehun tells him, and when the expression on Baekhyun’s face changes he adds, “Oh come on, hyung. Don’t have a breakdown over this.”

Baekhyun doesn’t exactly have time to even begin that aforementioned breakdown, because the sound of the passcode is getting put in goes off, and Baekhyun knows they’re here. He promised himself that he was going to confess to Ten the next time he saw him, and that’s exactly what’s going to happen. Ten’s going to hear the songs. Ten’s going to know.

* * *

It’s awkward at first, sure, but Sehun’s ability to befriend everyone breaks the ice. Ten is avoiding him, everyone notices it, and the elbow nudges Kun is giving him only make it more obvious.

Baekhyun plays the album first, in the order of the tracklist. He starts off with the title track, that coincidentally expresses exactly how he feels right now, like a damn loser. The rest of the songs fast forward over the last year, and all the emotions Baekhyun’s felt about Ten.

What he has to remind himself of the entire time that the album is playing, and Ten keeps quiet as everyone else gives him positive feedback, is not to stare at Ten. Not to expect anything either. But it gets too much. Especially once the ballad he wrote breakup lyrics for last minute starts playing. He walks away, hiding in the kitchen for a few moments, pretending that he’s getting a bottle of water. That’s when Ten shows up, and they speak for the first time since that night in the WayV dorms.

“Are you in love with me?” Ten asks him. Baekhyun can’t exactly find the words right away because by the tone of Ten’s voice, he’s not sure what he should say. “Why aren’t you talking? Answer me. Are you in love with me?” the expression on Ten’s face isn’t a happy one, and Baekhyun realizes that he’s about to get rejected, “For fuck’s sake, Baekhyun. Say something, anything.”

“Do we have to do this now?”

“Just answer the fucking questions.” Ten is angry. Ten also seems to be on the verge of tears, making Baekhyun feel even worse.

“Yes, I am, okay. I’ve been in love with you for years. There. You can reject me in front of everyone now.”

“Reject you? You fucking idiot. I’m in love with you too.”

What? Is he serious? He can’t be.

“No. No, no. I’ve been very observant,” he says.

“I’m in love with a moron.”

Ten says it again, and it’s still a shock to hear it. The smile on Ten’s face should ease Baekhyun into it, but he’s low-key panicking again. But this is good news. He exhales, the shock slowly fading.

“Hey! I’m not a moron,” he protests, allowing his lips to quirk into a smile. Shit, this is real. He’s not hallucinating

“Well what would you call yourself?”

“I don’t know. Confused?”

“I’d say moron too,” Kyungsoo says and both Baekhyun and Ten turn their heads towards the living room in time to catch him as he casually takes a sip of his drink. It’s only then that Baekhyun notices the music has stopped, everyone’s staring at them because they’re louder than he initially thought they were.

* * *

Everyone leaves, but Ten stays behind. Baekhyun expected it, but he also knows that he has to come clean about everything. Their story might have a bit of a happy ending now, but there are still some admissions that Baekhyun has to make.

Ten’s helping him clean the living room up, gathering the classes and taking things to the kitchen. He’s getting a whole lot of domestic vibes when he sees Ten doing that, and Baekhyun’s heart almost explodes.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Boyfriends do this type of thing,” Ten says, nonchalantly, and Baekhyun’s heart goes into the same shock again. Exploding. He’s gonna self-combust by the end of the night, most likely.

“We should talk.”

Ten stops in his tracks. It’s not panicked, but it’s immediate. The sooner they get this scary part over, the better.

“I’d like that. Cause the lyrics confuse me a little bit.”

“How do they confuse you?”

“Are they real? Cause if they are, when did this start?”

“They’re real,” Baekhyun says, swallowing cause this is going to be a bittersweet thing to admit, “For me, it started the day we met at the first SuperM meeting.”

“You should’ve said something. Cause for me it started after we debuted. We could’ve already been dating for years.”

“You should’ve said something too.”

“You’re right. I should’ve,” Ten smiles.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

“I’m sorry I gave you mixed signals. I was scared that if I said something I was going to ruin it. And I was pissed off that I didn’t know where we stand, and frustrated at how we weren’t really talking,” Ten explains, and Baekhyun fully understands. He felt the exact same way, “I can’t believe you were going to confess that night.”

“And then went and ruined it by putting a foot in my mouth? I can’t either. I was so close.”

“We’re gonna be fine right? With management and everything?”

“Even if we aren’t right away, I have insider information that says we’ll be fine in a couple of months.”

“What’s a couple of months when we’re been waiting for years.”

“Exactly.”

Ten pulls him in for a hug, and it makes Baekhyun feel whole again. He missed this. So much.

When Ten pulls away he runs a hand through Baekhyun’s hair, the way he did when they’re falling asleep, and with a smile he says his pièce de résistance.

“If you ever again hide something this important from me, I swear to you, you’ll never see me again. We talk to each other from now on. Deal?”

Baekhyun chuckles.

“Deal.”

* * *

The week before Baekhyun’s comeback they get called in for a meeting, and Baekhyun can honestly say that he’s excited for it, because a meeting means they’ll get a chance to break the great news to the company.

“So, here’s the plan for your breakup.”

The lady from PR leaves folders with files on the conference table in front of them that neither of them reaches for.

“Yeah, we’d like to postpone that,” Ten says.

“Postpone it? Until when?”

“Indefinitely.”

“Indefinitely?”

“We’re actually dating now. And we’re maybe thinking about getting married. Breaking up will get in the way of that,” Baekhyun is the one to say it. He enjoys watching the shock washing over their faces more than he should.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” the lady mutters.

“There’s no need to bring the lord into this. Especially with how homophobic he can be,” Ten says to her, proud of his retort. Baek’s proud of him too, that one takes balls.

“Why are you pretending this isn’t good news for the company? Like we have no clue of the impact us being out has on sales,” Baekhyun speaks up, savoring how everyone from the company looks like they’ve been red-handed.

“When upper management hears about this they’ll be disappointed that we can’t move on from this image.”

“If they’re disappointed I don’t want them at my wedding.” Ten is smiling when he says it, and Baekhyun can’t believe his damn luck.

“Are we done here?”

“I guess so,” the lady sighs.

There are murmurs between the company people as him and Ten get up to leave and Ten extends his arm so they can hold hands on the way out, but Baekhyun doesn’t really care about any of that. He knows that at least some of them won’t be here for much longer.

It seems as though Ten has the same thing in mind. As they’re riding the elevator down to the ground floor, Ten asks exactly that.

“Do you think there’s a chance of Junmyeon-hyung firing these people and getting actually decent staff?”

What Ten wants Ten is gonna get.

“I think your birthday is coming up, and I finally know what to get you as a gift.”

“Sure, tell me in advance. That’s really romantic,” Ten says, each one of his words soaked in sarcasm.

“Along with an…” Baekhyun attempts, but Ten quickly shuts him up with a hand over his mouth. Baekhyun would turn into a puddle at that touch if they were somewhere private.

“I literally just said don’t spoil it,” Ten warns.

He clears his throat, pulling himself together in order to speak.

“You also told me not to keep secrets just last week.”

“That’s not a secret, that’s a surprise. I like surprises.”

“Potato, potahto,” Baekhyun shrugs it off.

With what he has in mind, he’s sure Ten would be taken aback, even if he spoils it.


	11. postlude: eta (reprise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of my favorite fics i’ve ever written, but i felt like something was missing which sent me down a path of writer’s block. then someone said ‘where’s the comeback chapter’ and with that cured said writers block cause yes, where is the comeback chapter which is the perfect opportunity for a decent conclusion and supportive boyfriend ten. so a shout-out to Zhzhnnn, you saved the rest of my wips and drafts with the comment in your bookmark. i can't actually put into words how thankful i am.  
> here is the comeback + decent epilogue chapter.
> 
> also, a mark-centric kaimark sequel is in the works, but all i’m writing might to go extra slow cause i’m working extra hours at work starting last week.

“What are you doing?”

“Debating.”

He looks at Ten in just the right moment to catch him rolling his eyes, but he barely registers it. Instead, he looks down at his lap again, returning his full attention to his phone.

It’s a quiet night in for them, assuming well known positions on the couch in Baekhyun’s living room. Except, it’s two days before his comeback, and unlike all the previous times, this time he’s so nervous, the knot tightening in his stomach is on the verge of making him puke. This time it’s so personal that Baekhyun can’t believe he’s actually doing it. He’s putting himself all the way out there, he can’t pretend they aren’t his words, and there’s no place for him to hide. Whatever the response to the release will be it will be all on him. He knew that from the start, but back then it wasn’t scary. Not like it is now that the release is so close.

Ten reaches over to him, fingers gently guiding Baekhyun’s gaze up until their eyes meet and he has his full attention.

“I’m gonna need you to use more of your words,” Ten says to him.

“Debating whether or not I should go through my twitter mentions.”

Sure, the only thing that’s been posted have been teasers and snippets of the instrumentals, but Baekhyun’s curious about the reception so far. What are people saying? Do they like the sound? Do they like the concept he went for? He’s so afraid of this album failing that he hasn’t even opened the emails with the latest pre-order numbers. The public reception worries only started an hour ago, after it dawned on him that bits are already out, and people might have opinions already.

“I think you’re already freaked out enough. One negative thing and you’ll be spiraling for a week. Besides, aren’t you doing a live tomorrow? You’ll see the same questions and comments then.” He can’t say that Ten isn’t right. But now that he’s had the thought he’s sitting with it, and it’s like an itch that he can’t leave unscratched. “And I honestly have no idea why you’re worried, you know damn well that it’s an excellent album,” Ten asserts. It makes Baekhyun relax slightly, and it’s right then that Ten adds, “What if I do it instead?”

Good idea. But it could turn to be counterproductive.

“You’ll sugarcoat things.”

“When have I ever?” That’s actually a pretty good point. But does he really want the negatives to come out of Ten’s mouth, whatever they might be? Will that make it better or worse? “The other thing I’m offering to do is get your mind of it.”

In all his worry, the insinuation flies over Baekhyun’s head.

“I don’t think you can do that,” he responds, and Ten tilts his head, looking at him softly until he gets it, “Oh, that.”

“That.”

“We could try that.”

Ten gives him a smile and he scoots closer on the couch. Baekhyun doesn’t need to be persuaded afterward, the moment their lips meet his stomach explodes with butterflies and he knows that it’s enough to distract him from it all, for as long as it lasts.

* * *

The best part about dating Ten is that Ten understands everything that Baekhyun’s going through. He understands the nerves and the worries. He understands the exhaustion too, the one settling in now, even though he hasn’t even started actively promoting the album. Having someone who understands him so close means one headache less. He doesn’t have to explain things into details, when he complains about people from the company or expresses any concerns, Ten listens and has similar experiences to share. Baekhyun feels heard and understood. He enjoys how they’re bonding over those experiences. He falls in love with the warmth of Ten’s body as he holds him close and makes him feel safe.

The thing that Baekhyun keeps thinking about is Ten’s confidence about their work and how it overpowers all his doubts. He values what Ten says so much that it can ease his mind, but it also has the potential to start the fire. He wonders if his own words carry that much weight for Ten.

He knows it’s only been like a week maybe since they came clean about their feelings and started to _actually_ date, but Baekhyun will swear on his life that he can already feel the effects of Ten’s attitude rubbing off on him. There are things that he’s growing more nonchalant about, and not in the fake way he patented, but in the actual way. It’s not just on the outside, but on the inside too. It’s nice being less stressed about things he can’t control.

He comes to this realization the day before his comeback, as he sits in a meeting and looks over his schedule. He should’ve known that management was going to sneak something weird in it, especially now that they’ve started making their voices heard, it’s a little fuck you back at them. Baekhyun has never agreed to everything. However, in the past he didn’t mind giving in just a bit. This time he minds that his schedule is overflowing with useless appearances at shows he doesn’t want to do, hosted by people he has negative experiences with. He argues with the management and PR team about his schedule until it looks the way he wants it. This comeback is already stressful enough for him without having to go out of his way to show respect for people that have never shown respect for him. Now that he’s out, who knows how they’ll act.

* * *

What Baekhyun enjoys most about doing this live stream is that even though he’s extremely stressed, the comments and questions are coming in so quickly, he doesn’t have time to focus on all of them. It makes going back online right now and reading people’s opinions much less scary than he thought it would be. He knows that there is an abundance of support out there, but he doubts that all that’s out there is support. _Those_ comments are what he dreads most of all. It’s not like he has never received hate about anything. He just doesn’t want to deal with those thoughts when it comes to his sexuality and who he loves. Luckily, the questions about the album and the comeback drown the rude comments out.

Most of the questions he gets are about the album, about what he wrote about, when he wrote it. That is something that he needs to lie about, a bit. The timeline, at least. Instead of telling the truth about how he was writing lyrics up until a month ago, he says the lyrics are a compilation from bits he’s written in the last few years. There still is an official story he has to stick to. When the viewers ask about spoilers, he mentions that the entire album is about dwelling on feelings you haven’t admitted to yet, it’s about miscommunications and the uncertainty that comes with starting a relationship. He then plays instrumentals and tells them all his lyrics are in English because he wanted to write them that way. When they ask about Ten he’s more than happy to answer.

Talking about the album like that helps calm his nerves and brings his confidence up. He has it in the bag. He worked his ass off, and it’s a damn good album. People are going to appreciate it, it wouldn’t make sense if they didn’t.

The video premiers few hours later at midnight, and Baekhyun watches it on his laptop, his eyes at moments drawn to the chat on the side and how fast it moves. Hundreds of thousands of people are watching the video with him. That has to mean that it’s a success, right?

He’s tempted to stay up all night, refreshing the page to watch the view count, even though he knows it’s going to be a waste of time. The views are going freeze for a few hours, YouTube likes to verify that they are legit, not bots, and that slows it all down by hours. He instead opts out so he can go to sleep, with a full day of schedules, interviews and promotions, he’s going to need the energy. He turns his phone off, it’s something that he promised Junmyeon and Ten that he’d do so that he would less tempted, and so that the congratulations won’t wake him up. He’ll catch up with them all in the morning, while he’s having breakfast.

* * *

When he turns on his phone the following morning Baekhyun’s greeted with texts and emails from friends, family and managers, but most important than that, a very long text chain from Ten with updates on what’s been happening online while he was asleep. The chain starts with that exact sentence.

_All the updates so you don’t feel like you missed out on anything._  
_Loser is a worldwide trend on twitter._  
_The video is on the #1 YouTube trending page in Korea._  
_And the US_  
_UK_  
_France, Italy, Turkey, Germany_  
_#2 in Sweden, Belguim_  
_And in 11 countries that we’ve never been to, but we should cause they like you. I had no idea there was a Balkan peninsula before today. I’m horrible at geography_ _#3 in 8 countries_  
_#4 in 17_  
_I’m getting this all from twitter. Have I ever told you about my secret twitter account?_  
_De Jun thinks I should stop listing countries and numbers, but I’m too excited, cause I’m excited for the both of us_  
_It passed a million views, officially_  
_General response is excellent_  
_Naver, dispatch, billboard, new york times, rolling stone articles have been released, all say good things_  
_But more important than that, the fans are loving it_  
_I love you and I’m so fucking proud of you_  
_Don’t get me wrong, I love you and I am proud of you all the time, but this outcome also does things to my ego cause you’re MY boyfriend_  
_Billie Eilish just shouted you out to her millions of followers and you’re asleep_  
_I screenshotted it for you, just in case, though I doubt she’ll delete it. If she does I’m gonna singlehandedly cancel her I promise_  
_Don’t feel bad about missing things though, you need to sleep_  
_2 million_  
_There are so many likes_  
_The views are coming in a little faster now_  
_By the time you wake up you’ll in the the 10s of millions_  
_Have you thought about that last line of the song and how now that we came clean to each other the complete opposite is true_  
_Anyway_  
_3 million bub_  
_4!!_

All the texts and information that Baekhyun receives give him a storm of emotions and excitement. Butterflies fill his stomach, Ten’s ramblings easing him into the stressful day he has ahead ever so slightly. He ends up pacing around the house, clicking on the links Ten sent him, laughing at gifs, looking at screenshots and having to pinch himself many times. Ten had given up around five in the morning with a promise that he’d call when he wakes up, so it’s up to Baekhyun to catch up with everything that had happened since. That’s why his first call is his manager, he should be up to speed with everything that he missed.

Once he gets that formality out of the way he answers as many texts and emails as he can, prioritizing the ones from his family, and his hyungs and dongsaengs. He gets to his schedule once he’s done with the thank yous.

* * *

After a day of interviews and rehearsals, he’s starting to feel tired. But the adrenaline keeps him going.

He’s about to be interviewed and then go out to perform the title track for the first time, and his heart is beating so fast, he might explode. If he doesn’t fuck it up now, then everything is going to go well for the rest of his promotions.

He allows his reflexes to take over, the years of experience guiding him through it. He smiles, nods, remains polite through it all. Then he goes out and performs the song for the first time, not missing a note, nailing the choreography perfectly. He doesn’t even think about it, he’s rehearsed it enough that he just does it without having to focus too hard on it. He’s pretty sure that there is applause and cheers at the end, but his ears start ringing from the shock, so he can’t be too certain on his own. His manager has to let him know that it was a success before he can actually believe it.

He gets rushed through the hallways to his dressing room, so he can get some rest. The manager gets him there, he puts a water bottle in his hand, and leaves him be. He allows himself to relax then. He managed to go through an entire day and not fuck up, he’s managed to go through the day without anyone pushing too much about what the album is. It was a success, everything about the day. Apparently the numbers are great, and the reviews that have come in so far are positive too. He can now start enjoying the results of his hard work. It’s then, as he takes a deep breath, that there’s a knock on the dressing room door, and it’s the best surprise, exactly what he’d ask for.

“Do you accept visitors?” Ten asks, peaking in through the door he pushes open ever so slightly.

“Only if it’s you,” Baekhyun gives him a smile back. It’s only then that Ten enters, hauling a giant teddy bear behind him that he hands to Baekhyun almost immediately.

“Congratulations on your comeback and success.”

He can’t help but smile. Fuck, Ten’s so adorable, Baekhyun could write a thousand albums about him.

“Thank you.”

Putting the stuffed bear aside, he pulls Ten in for a hug. The great moment becomes perfect.

“Are you ready to celebrate?”

“Yes. I can’t wait to get out of here,” he admits, “Did you have anything in mind?”

“I might have arranged something.”

“You did?” he queries, taken aback by that information.

Ten nods at him, a satisfied smirk across his lips. Whatever it is, Baekhyun knows he’s going to enjoy it. The suspicion turns out to be true when Ten takes him to a bar that’s packed with all his friends, all the people that are important to him, and they make him feel that he’s just as important to them.

* * *

The company doesn’t have him promoting for a long time, only two weeks, and the short time frame only makes it for a more draining experience. Even after he speaks up and cancels the appearance he doesn’t want to do, he still has a full schedule. He’s on variety shows, talk shows, he’s doing interviews for magazines, web sites, for YouTube. In other words, it’s personal success and missing Ten hours at the same time. Luckily, all the hosts and interviewers are respectful. The other luckily is that while he might not have the free time, Ten does, and he makes sure they don’t miss each other for too long.

All that hard work yields many bushels of fruit. The video is getting millions of views, the album sets a new personal record for number of sales. He goes number one in many countries, on so many charts. He goes number one on the Billboard chart for the second time in the last six months.

After his third stage the wins start coming in as well. He can’t exactly declare that homophobia doesn’t exist anymore in Korea, but it seems as though there’s been some progress. He didn’t expect any wins, and he also expected to get booed. He was let down by both of those expectations, but that’s actually something he won’t complain about.

* * *

Everything at SM is at a standstill for about two weeks as Junmyeon and Chenle take over. There are no preparations, rehearsals, or any talk of comebacks and recording during those two weeks. In fact, all the artists get ordered to stay at home and relax, a complete change for once. Baekhyun takes those two weeks as time to travel. He and Ten take a trip to a resort on Jeju island for a few days, and they visit Baekhyun’s family. He’s been telling them so much about Ten for so long, that it was about time to make it official, even more necessary with the recent developments. Ten hits it off with his family, but Baekhyun never thought that wouldn’t be the case. Ten hits it off with everyone.

By the time they’re back in Seoul it’s Valentine’s Day. They go out that night, because what Baekhyun learns in the meantime is that it’s also Jaehyun’s birthday, and since that one time he spilled everything to him on complete purpose, they’re actually friends. When Jaehyun invites him, Baekhyun wants to go, and so does Ten. They were trainees together, they’re much closer than Baekhyun initially thought.

They settle into their own routine, they find their own rhythm. When things at the company start moving again, and schedules get updated, he and Ten don’t change.

In the end of it all, after all the anxiety, doubt and pent up emotions, Baekhyun realizes it was all worth it. What he got in the end was Ten. And Ten is everything he ever wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **the end**  
>  happy xiaojun day

**Author's Note:**

> let’s go to the nct waiting room and act like bad seniors: happens  
> 127 and baek interacting on stage: happens  
> me: ooh, rainbows and butterflies, look, they must all be friends, so make them besties in a fic
> 
> anyway… finished! thank you for your patience as i typed and posted this over the weekend.
> 
> i read the comments "i can't wait until suho buys sm", "i can't wait until chenle buys sm" and "suho and chenle should just get together and buy sm" so many times in the month that i was working on this, that i just _had_ to write that as an ending, cause now that it's in my mind, i can't forget it.
> 
> thank you for reading. feel free to comment and leave kudos, i look forward to all feedback. if you’re interested in reading more, please check out my other works.
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/newct127)  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/newct127)  
> 
> 
> ~~"sehun and winwin are not my biases," she lied.~~


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